Зашла на дневник Anna Asakura, нашла то, что ненавидит Саби)))

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Пойду есть, что ли))))

Если Сабико это не прочитает, то получит пианино по голове. Пусть не беспокоицца, пианино я найду)

Мдя... Ну всё, я пойду есть в конце концов, собиралась же... вроде... ах да, и аниму смотреть.

@настроение: кавайное, яойное, хорореновское

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11, 12... So much for happy ending))))

Chapter 11: So Much For Happpy Ending



When morning came, Ren was awoken by his alarm. Strangely, he couldn't remember at all of when he fell asleep. He managed to sleep, that's all he knew, he just didn't know when. Yesterday, seeing Horohoro again, it all just kept him awake. For once ever since this whole thing started, he was happy and actually looking forward to something. But at the same time...he was scared. He didn't want to but he kept on thinking what if something happens to him? Afterall, that was the reason he even pushed the Ainu away.



All day, all Ren could think about was when he would see Horohoro. But as he did, something was giving him a bad feeling. He didn't know what it was but it told him to change his mind. He tried to ignore it but something, he wished he knew what, was telling him not to go. The more he thought about Horohoro, the more it crossed his mind. He even thought about going with this "sixth sense". But it was by the time he went to class after lunch that he decided to do what Horohoro did many times. Go with what you want and think later. Because one thing was for sure. He wanted to see Horohoro. He wanted to be with him. And sometimes all that matters is what you want. Besides, maybe he was thinking alone too much. Maybe what he really needed was to see Horohoro and think with him. To find a way together. All in all, he made a decision and kept it until he went out of his last class with it.



"Ren, let's go home together."



"Actually, I've got some stuff to do."



"Like what?"



"Uh, I've...gotta go to the library."



"I'll go with you."



"No, I wanna be alone."



"Please, Ren? I promise I won't bother you."



"Why can't you leave me alone!" Ren hissed through his teeth and glared at Hao. The bruenette backed away a step and frowned.



"Geez Ren, we studied together before and you never had a problem. Why're you so different now?"



"I thought you said you're gonna give me some space?"



"I am. But that doesn't mean we can't be together." Ren shook his head and sighed. Hao wanted to be with him and it was going to be hard to shake him off.



"Do you have to study at the library? Or what? Are you lying with a secret?" Ren tensed at Hao's tone. The bruenette looked into his golden eyes, and the Chinese could see the hint of danger. He didn't know what it was that Hao was pointing out at, but the Chinese knew not to mess with him on this one. He let out another sigh and shrugged. Hao smiled and they went to his apartment. Ren wanted to go as soon as he can but he also knew Horohoro would be there. He'll just have to make him wait a bit, hopefully not too long, until he thought of something. Just an excuse that required for him to go alone. Why Hao even wanted to be with him so much, he had no idea. But after not even one hour, Hao got to his feet to the door.



"Be right back, got some stuff to do." Ren found his chance. But Hao looked back at him again when he got his shoes on.



"It won't take me long so wait for me. Don't go anywhere." Hao left and Ren stopped writing. Was that a hint of warning he heard in his tone? That Hao might not be happy if he finds he's not home? He might even look for him. And how long is it when he says it won't take him long? He didn't even know how long it'll take himself and Horohoro. Ren sat there, not knowing if he should leave or not, nervous that Hao could come home any minute. He clutched onto his pencil, suddenly unable to breathe. Horohoro is waiting. He's there, understanding everything now and waiting. And all the Chinese could do is be afraid of Hao and whatever threat he may be hiding. It filled Ren with spite towards himself, thinking just how did he become so powerless. All that matters, all that ever mattered...The pencil snapped from the grip and he threw the peices down. Horohoro's all that matters! He thought and burst out the door.



Ren headed down the sidewalk, feeling he's wasted too much time. He turned at a corner and was halfway there but abruptly stopped. Three girls stood in his way, and it seemed they purposely blocked his path. Ren recognized two of them. The girl with blue hair and cigarette he's seen her at Club Patch, and Zinc said she's Kanna. Another with red pig tails he remembers is Macchi. But the third girl with blonde pony tails, he didn't know. But that didn't matter, right now he had to go. He tried to go through but they blocked him still. Kanna spoke up while still holding her cigarette in her mouth.



"I'm sorry, but I think Hao-sama wanted you to stay home."



"Get out of my way, I don't have time for this!"



"I'm afraid this is an order from Hao-sama himself. We can't let you go."



"What!" Ren had to go, he had to. He couldn't just let go of everything now. He didn't understand. Why did Hao want him home so much? Why didn't he want him to go anywhere? It's almost as if...Ren paled. He knows The Chinese realized, but couldn't figure out how he found out. He swore no one else was there.



"You didn't see Mari, but Mari saw you." The blonde spoke in a quiet, soft voice. Her unblinking apple green eyes stared at Ren as he clentched his teeth. "So he did send spies!" He growled but Mari shook her head.



"We did watch over you but that was without Hao-sama's permission, but we stopped after we thought you wouldn't betray him. But yesterday, Mari saw you come out of that Ainu's home and make that promise with him. Hao-sama did nothing, Mari was merely passing by." Ren didn't care for the details. Hao knows and he's headed for Horohoro, and the Ainu is waiting knowing nothing. He pushed through the three but they held him back and on the ground. But Ren kicked them off and threw dirt in their eyes. The girls screamed and tears welled in their stinging eyes. Taking advantage of the chance, Ren sprinted away. By the time the girls regained clear sight, he was gone.



"Shit!" Kanna cursed and spat out her cigarette. "Mari knows the way." Mari said and they followed her.



XxXxXxXxX



Horohoro leaned back on the wall and sighed. He's waited for over an hour and Ren still hasn't come. Sometimes he'd wonder if he would. But he'd banish such thought immediately. Ren's done so much for him, he couldn't lose faith. And he looked up when the door bell rang. Excitedly he rushed over and opened it. And his eyes widened.



"Why couldn't you just leave everything alone?" Hao said and let himself in. Before Horohoro can do anything, he kicked him back in his stomach and closed the door behind him.



"I should be asking you that. And why the hell are you here!" Horohoro said as he still tried to breathe from the kick. Hao came in front of him and narrowed his eyes.



"I can go wherever I please." He simply stated, intensifying the air. The two stood still, intoxicating the air between them with venom dripping from their eyes.



XxXxXxXxX



Ren ran non stop, behind him he could faintly hear the girls' foot steps. Damn, they're already catching up. Sweat surfaced and his side began to ache, but he didn't dare slow down. He made a turn into an alley which he knew was a short cut and to lose them. The foot steps faded, telling him he succeeded in losing them from his tail. Ignoring the dead end sign, he climbed over a fence and ran a little more. When he emerged from the small passage, Horohoro's apartment building was right across the street.



XxXxXxXxX



"You know, everyone could've been happy." Hao broke the eerie silence.



"You would've been the only one happy!"



"Well Ren would too in time. So would you and Tamao. But you ruined everything for everyone."



"What the hell is wrong with you! You can't force someone to love you! That's not love!" One of Hao's eyes twitched as his patience was nearing it's limit. But he kept his calm composure and smirked. He made a light snort and put a hand into his jacket.



"It's too bad..." Hao pulled his hand out of his jacket and Horohoro's eyes widened. Color drained from him as he pushed passed Hao to the door. The bruenette kept his ground and followed his aim at the Ainu. "We could've all had a happy ending." He said and it's like it was all in slow motion before the exploding sound after the pulled trigger.



Horohoro trembled as he lay on the gorund with his eyes squeezed shut, cold sweat dripping down his forehead. He knew he didn't make it to the door and waited for the paing to surge through his body and the blood to gush out. But he felt nothing. I'm...dead? He thought but then realized he could feel his heart pounding against his chest. Still facing the ground, he slowly opened his eye lids. Drip...drip... Blood dripped and fell to the ground, but it wasn't the Ainu's. It was whoever standing in front of him. He looked up and felt his lungs tighten.



"Ren!" The Chinese turned his head in reply but his legs gave in and he dropped to his knees. As if that sent a signal to his nerves, Horohoro came to his side and caught him. Ren held his arm tight where blood was spreading on his sleeve and seeping from between his fingers. He breathed heavily through his clentched teeth, bearing the excruciating pain as sweat dripped down his shaking body. He looked at Horohoro and forced what was probably suppose to be a smirk, as if to tell the bluenette he was ok.



"Shit Ren, why? Damnit..." The bluenette's voice was cracked from tears that threatened to fall any second. But Ren gave no answer as he couldn't, and just sat there on the floor in his love's arms. Foot steps neared but Horohoro didn't take his eyes off of Ren. Kanna, Macchi, and Mari appeared at the open door way but stopped and gasped.



"H-Hao-sama..." Macchi quivered when she understood what happened. Hearing Hao's name, Horohoro looked up at him.



"Hao..." He growled through his teeth, not even knowing what to say. Malice was taking over as it coursed through him and unleashed hell. From him arose an animal, a beast, who's lost all sense of humanity and adopted murder through pure cold blood. What held back this revenge-craving beast would only be his bleeding owner of his heart in his arms. But Hao, as if he can't even see that beast that he himself unleashed, stared at the same owner of his heart. Pale and trembling, he stood dead still in his spot. His senses weren't working as his own hell broke out and swallowed him. He did something he didn't want to do, he didn't mean it. The only ones able to do something with minds in normal state were the three SOF members.



"Macchi, call the ambulance!" Kanna ordered and Macchi went to the phone. In a few minutes the sirens of an ambulance screamed its way. Soon the emergency team rushed in, and carefully but quickly carried Ren away. Horohoro followed, staying right by his love's side. Kanna, Macchi, and Mari were about to follow but turned around to see Hao still in his spot.



"Hao-sama..." Mari said but as if he's deaf, Hao stood in his broken state. He mumbled some things under his breath, shooting Ren also have been great damage to him too. The girls knew he wasn't going to move for a very long time, so they didn't either. They cared for Hao, not Ren.



AT THE HOSPITAL



Horohoro sat in the waiting room, his head in his hands. Ren has been taken into operation hours ago. He didn't know how long now, but he felt like he could snap any second. How could everything get like this? Just HOW! He clentched his teeth and clutched locks of his azure hair. The fury he felt for Hao couldn't even be put into words. But more than Hao, he thought about Ren. The blood, the pain Ren showed in his face... it just crushed the bluenette.



"Be ok, Ren. Please be ok. Don't leave me..." Horohoro whispered, tears now running down his cheeks freely. He didn't care if anyone saw them, he just wanted Ren. But the Ainu tensed even more when he sensed the presense of someone else. He looked up to meet eyes with Hao.



Chapter 12: Here to Stay



Horohoro stood on his feet, forgetting that he was in a hospital, and took Hao by the collar of his shirt as he pushed him to the wall. He bared his teeth but Hao just stared into his infuriated eyes, doing nothing in the Ainu's grasp. Horohoro spoke before really doing anything.



"What the fuck are you doing here?"



"...I guess...to say I'm sorry." One of Horohoro's eyes twitched upon hearing Hao's reply, and a fist rammed into the bruenette's jaw. Hao stood his ground on time before falling, and he wiped at the blood on his stinging cheek.



"Sorry? SORRY? After all you did, you think a sorry is gonna fix everything?"



"..."



"You selfish bastard!" Horohoro yelled and gave a second hit plus a kick in the gut. Hao this time fell to the ground and coughed for wind. He barely got time to even get on his knees when Horohoro kicked him straight in the face. But Hao did nothing in return to his attacks, instead he licked his cut lip and wiped away the blood trickling out of his nose. Despite the throbbing pain in his head, he looked up and Horohoro decended down on him.



"Because of you, Ren is..."



"I know." Hao cut him off and got on his feet. Horohoro supressed whatever else he wanted to do as nurses were coming by to check on what was the commotion. He couldn't afford to be kicked out, not when Ren needed him there. The Ainu just stood there as Hao was recovering, coughing between his deep breaths and managing to stop his nose bleed. Once he seemed to be ok, the bruenette looked at him with stern, but unthreatening eyes.



"I guess you're right."



"What?"



"...You can't force someone to love you." Horohoro furrowed his brows while Hao just looked at the door which Ren was being operated behind, and shrugged. Horohoro saw that his eyes looked distant and they didn't have that dangerous spark. And he finally realized that the brunetted didn't fight back what so ever in the brutality. And when he spoke earlier, there wasn't a trace of mockery or threat. He sounded...sincere. To be honest it felt strange to hear Hao like that. And Hao, after some time, turned around and picked up some luggage which Horohoro didn't notice until now. He held it out to the Ainu who stared at him questioningly.



"This is Ren's stuff. He won't be needing it at my place anymore." Horohoro, a bit shocked, caught the luggage that was dropped in front of him. Hao nodded like his duty was done and walked passed him towards the exit.



"Where're you going?" Horohoro blurted, still in shock to what just happened. Hao stopped and turned around to the Ainu, sighing like he was tired already and spoke.



"I only came to apologize and to give back Ren's stuff. What good is it if I stay? I brought him in here afterall. I...I could've killed him." Horohoro thought he noticed Hao shudder at his own words. And his face, it filled with regret and pain. He could see Hao was trying to hold it back along with his tears, twisting his face into cringes. But the Ainu knew better than to mention all that.



"It's you who should be here, not me. He...loves you. I can't change that." Hao was having a hard time with speaking these words. And Horohoro could see that the bruenette was strained by his own mistake. Hao smiled spitefully at the irony he was still feeling. To think he'd lose what he wanted so much through his own action. No, he didn't have him in the first place. Never have, never will. Hao thought and gave a light laugh in sarcasm towards himself. Though so harsh on him, Hao was done. He's giving up what seems like a stupid game now. He lost to his own stupid game. Without anything else to say, he left the hospital and Horohoro was left again to wait.



A few hours passed and the door finally opened. From inside came a tall, slender blonde man who was quite young. He came up to Horohoro who jumped to his feet.



"Faust!"



"Hello Horohoro. It's been quite a while."



"Yeah, hey I don't mean to be rude but..."



"Don't worry, Ren will be just fine. You can go see him." Faust, knowing how anxious the Ainu was, lead him into the room. Ren lay on the bed with a bandaged arm and turned his head to Horohoro who came to his side.



"Ren." Horohoro let out a relieved sigh. Ren made a small smile and sat up with the support of his good arm. But Faust eyed him disapprovingly.



"I suggest you don't move too much." Taking no notice to his warning, Ren managed to sit himself up.



"Ren, listen to Faust or you'll get yoursef hurt even more."



"I'm fine, don't be giving me any orders, baka." Horohoro sighed but couldn't help but smile at his unchanged attitude. He turned to Faust with gratitude.



"Thanks Faust, you're the best." Faust smiled pleasantly at the compliment and chuckled.



"Thank you, but Ren will have to go home tomorow and stay over night here." Horohoro nodded but Ren scowled.



"I'm fine."



"Ren, you was shot."



"Just in the arm."



"But you still need some rest. Can you swallow your pride just for once?"



"Why? So I can get really sick from some disease someone can have in this hospital? Worse, Hao can..."



"He's gone."



"...What?" Ren was caught dumbfounded when Horohoro smiled and held up the luggage he recieved earlier.



"Yeah, he even gave back all your stuff."



"So...it's all over?" Horohoro nodded and Ren just sat there frozen in disbelief. They were silent for some time, letting it all sink in. It's all over They never thought such words could sound so great. After all they've been through, the storm finally passed by in peace. Horohoro and Ren looked each other in the eyes, both knowing they were thinking the same thing. Faust, who had no idea of what they were talking about, brought back the subject they were just on.



"I'm sorry to interupt but...Ren, you will be staying just for one night." Ren's relieved exprеssion disappeared and it was replaced with a scowl again. Once again he argued again with the doctor and Horohoro that he will go home with the Ainu. He demanded to be let out as immediately as possible, not wanting to waste any more time in a hospital when all was finally over. He quarelled for some time with the bluenette until the Ainu begged with his puppy eyes. There was rarely a time Ren could say no to those and this was just one of those times. And so Ren stayed over night at the hospital and Horohoro came to pick him up in the morning. He was good to go but was told by Faust to come for check ups on his wounded arm, which they both agreed to do.



XxXxXxXxX THAT NIGHT XxXxXxXxX



Stars scattered in the dark sky, accompanied by the drifting clouds. A glowing moon looked down on all, leaving them in peace. It's light shined down on whatever it can touch but not so harsh as the sun to wake anyone. So what stirred an Ainu from his precious sleep? A tender touch on his lips from something warm and soft. His eyes opened halfway as he still hung on to sleep. Though his sight a bit unfocused, his drowsy eyes met gold. He let out a quiet yawn and rubbed his eyes open. As he still lie on his side on his bed, he saw there were gold eyes watching him.



"Ren, why're you still up?" Horohoro asked, still lying on his side. The said man who was also lying on his side next to the Ainu just shrugged. Horohoro stared at him for a while, and then his lips spread into a smile. Ren also stared back and flushed at the Ainu's gaze. He frowned wondering why the bluenette was smiling, but failed to hide his flush. And blushing with a pout-ish frown was really cute and Horohoro let out a light laugh.



"Alright first you smile and now you dare laugh at me?"



"Sorry, I'm just thinking."



"About what, baka Ainu?"



"...This isn't a dream? You're really here?" Ren sighed and scooched closer. With his middle finger he flicked Horohoro's forehead. It only twinged like a small pinch, but it still made the bluenette jump and put a hand at the spot. Ren smirked at him.



"Still think I'm a dream?" A wider smile spread across Horohoro's face and he took Ren into his arms. Ren felt his face get hot and he knew it was deep red. But soon he relaxed into the hold which was familiar but he missed dearly. His chin rested on the older male's shoulder, and the two stayed like this in the still silence. After a while, Horohoro spoke in a quiet voice.



"You're really back? You won't go away again?" Ren sighed at what he thought was a stupid question. Still staying in his comfortable spot, he shook his head. Horohoro suddenly pulled away but his arms were still around Ren's waist. His smile was now a frown and he kept his onyx eyes locked in Ren's melting pools of gold.



"Not ever? Promise you'll stay?" Horohoro's eyes almost looked frantic, full of plea and fear. He looked like a child trying so hard to cling on to something too precious to be taken away. Ren found it to look cute, but at the same time it pained him. This time he held Horohoro in his arms, the Ainu's head in his chest and Ren's chin rested on it.



"I'm here to stay if you promise the same." Horohoro smiled again, relief settling inside and washing away the insecurity. He looked up and Ren cupped his cheek with his good hand, and took Horohoro's lips with his. Horohoro confirmed that it was Ren's lips that awoke him and kissed back, nipping at his lip for enterance. Ren acknowledged and opened his mouth, and felt Horohoro's warm tongue go in and explore. Ren moved his hand from the Ainu's cheek to the back of his head and pulled him in, deepening the passionate kiss and playing with the tongue with his own. When they parted, Horohoro began to feel he was selfish for saying those things. Afterall, he wasn't the only one hurt in the mess they were in.



"I'm sorry..." He began but was stopped when Ren put his forehead on his. He shook his head to just put it all away, as they have already apologized to each other. It was over and both forgave each other a long time ago.



"You know, you still haven't told me why you were still up." Ren said nothing and was only able to hide his blush to be tints of pink. The answer was simple really. Horohoro was absolutely adorable when he was asleep, one of Ren's favorite things to see. It's been such a long time since he's seen it so he thought he'll watch it and eventually fall asleep too. It was a shame that he awoke him with his kiss. But Ren being himself, didn't answer and made an irritated, tired look.



"Go to sleep." He said simply and closed his eyes. Horohoro kissed him again tenderly, not really caring for an answer as Ren kissed back.



"Night Ren, I love you."



"I love you too."

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9, 10...

Chapter 9: We Were All Lying



Another week passed and there hasn't been much change between Horohoro and Tamao. They still saw each other and spent time a lot, neither aware of the rumors and gossip about the two. And because of all the time they spent, Tamao looked forward to everyday. She even began to forget her worries of what happened between Horohoro and Ren. And the bluenette always enjoyed her company since they were best friends to begin with. That was probably the only reason he didn't feel uncomfortable spending all this time with her. Things seemed to be going nicely between them.



Ren on the other hand, changed a great deal. He no longer made any effort to create distance between himself and Hao, but rather let the bruenette stay as close as he please. And although Hao did agree to give space, the Chinese didn't really make his own plans besides training or studying alone. And he'd agree to go wherever with Hao if invited. Things were shifting into Hao's direction as Ren went with however he was steered. Even his golden eyes didn't seem to flicker anymore with the flame of malice and determination of resistance. But as they went on, Horohoro and Tamao were observed by keen eyes.



"You guys have been spending a lot of time together lately."



"Eh?" Tamao looked up at Anna who suddenly spoke up while her eyes were still on the tv. Yoh went grocery shopping so her and Tamao were the only ones in the room.



"You and Horohoro. I know you guys have been close friends and all, but I can't say you guys have been this close ever before. All of a sudden too."



"Um, yes well, I'm not quite sure myself." Tamao answered sheepishly as blush was crossing her face. But Anna took no notice and shrugged.



"Hm, not that I care. But isn't he spending a lot of time with you when he has Ren?"



"Well you see...they broke up. And Ren-kun's with Hao now..."



"With Hao?" Not even Anna was able to hide her surprise at this and she finally looked away from the tv now that her show was over. She suspiciously eyed Tamao as the pink haired girl shifted her eyes away. She frowned as the guilt she once forgot slowly returned.



"That's...too weird. Do you know why?" Tamao shook her head and Anna raised a brow. She stared at Tamao more intently as if drilling through her mind.



"So you've been having all this quality time with Horohoro after he broke up with Ren, and Ren went to Hao. But we both know Hao. There's probably something up. But you've been going on with this without knowing what. Are you ok with that?" Anna asked sternly and waited for Tamao to answer. Tears began to fill in the girl's eyes as shame rushed down on her. She knew what Anna was trying to say and she didn't know how she was able to let it go so far. She knew how Horohoro really felt, she knew she's just playing along with what he's really doing, she knew she's just pretending too. It made her feel so foolish, so selfish, she looked down at her lap unable to show her face. Her lips trembled and she spoke up in a quivered voice.



"Gomen-nasai...I-It shouldn't be o-ok..." Anna's exprеssion softened and she wiped away Tamao's tears.



"Don't apologize. It's Hao's fault, not yours."



THE NEXT DAY



The bell rang to end the last class and students exited out the building. Tamao walked out of her class, sighing for the umpteenth time that day. It's not like she's really tired. The conversation she had with Anna the day before was just bothering her so much. All the worry returned along with the bitter taste of guilt. Her head hung low but then she looked up and gasped. From a small distance, walking towards her was Ren. But...what's wrong with him? She thought as she clearly noticed something was different. No, it wasn't just one small thing, but all of him was different. For one, he seemed to be drifting than walking. He wasn't noticable like he usually is, more like he's blending with the crowd and surroundings. Like he lost that "Tao Ren" aura. And his eyes, they look nothing like they used to. If they weren't gold and were to be a color matching how they seem, they should be a hollow black. Yes, hollow. Ren seemed hollow. In fact, Ren didn't seem like Ren, it's like he's a completely different person. Tamao didn't really know how to put it but this just wasn't Ren. He's so faded, so hollow, so...not Ren. The Ren she knew was just gone. Not a trace of him was there, this was just a ghost.



"Ren-kun..." Tamao said but the boy walked right passed her. She turned to look at him again. She knew he didn't notice or hear her but that's not what hurt. He went right to Hao and walked off with him. Tamao shook her head, unable to believe it. What did he do to him! ...What have I done...? Tamao asked herself and bit down on her lip. She stood there until they were out of sight. She knew what she needed to do, and it had to be done now.



"Tamao!" The called girl turned to see Horohoro running over to her. She forced her lips to curve to a smile as he beamed.



"Let's walk home together!" He said and took her hand. But Tamao quickly pulled it away. Horohoro looked at her oddly as she wasn't smiling anymore.



"Horohoro-kun...this needs to stop."



"What?"



"All this."



"What'd you mean?" Tamao sighed and gestured for him to follow. They sat at a bench at a nearby park, Tamao finding the school to be an unsuitable place. When they sat, she looked into Horohoro's onyx eyes and spoke again.



"You'r being too dishonest. Not just to me but to yourself too. I know you still love Ren." Horohoro frowned and narrowed his eyes. Not in anger or harm, but of defense. But she could see he was strained by the truth she pointed out. He shifted his eyes to the ground.



"I'm over him, Tamao. I'm moving on."



"You call this moving on? You're not even over him, you're just lying and pretending."



"Well what'd you know!" "I don't know anytihng! You won't tell me!"



"..."



"Horohoro-kun, what you're trying to do is stupid. Look at me." Horohoro slightly turned his head. She could see he was lost, unable to figure out what to do now. She made a consoling smile.



"Can you say you love me?"



"What?"



"Would you be able to say those three words without thinking of him instead of me? Would you be able to kiss me without picturing his face instead of mine? Could you do any of that without thiking of Ren?" Tamao tilted her head, waiting patiently. Horohoro stared at her lips as he knew what she was waiting for, but then looked away. He couldn't even say those words and he knew why. He bit down on his lip and his head hung low. She was right, he couldn't. But Horohoro knew. He shook his head in answer to her questions and held back tears. Tamao reached out and held him close.



"Then don't go on like this. Take him back."



"I tried..." Horohoro whispered as his face was burried in Tamao's shoulder. Yes, he tried. Horohoro tried to take Ren back, he tried to believe in the love he thought they had. But he got so tired of getting hurt and Ren seemed to make it so clear that it was all gone. The Ainu thought he can shut out the pain, thought he can move on. But no matter how much he tried to deny the hurt, no matter how much he tried to block it out...he knew he couldn't. He tried not to admit to himself of his awareness, but then that hurt even more and he tried to shut out that pain too. He made himself believe he was fine with all the fun he thought he had with Tamao. But despite what he's been doing with her, he knew what was hurting the most. It was that deep down, deep within where he tried not to look at, he knew he still loved Ren. That Ren hasn't and won't ever leave his heart, while he may be nothing to the Chinese.



"Then try again. He needs you too. I know he does. You both need each other." Tamao spoke up as if to counter what he was thinking. She pulled away and smiled at Horohoro. He returned it with a small, weak smile himself, though his eyes threatened to let tears fall. Out of every girl he knew, he was closest to her. Along with being able to cook great food, she was cute and sweet. And out of all the girls he knew, he was able to be himself the most around her without shame. He probably would've gone out with her...if he hadn't met or known Ren. But he'll never regret knowing Ren, not ever again.



"So...you're ok?"



"Of course, but I should be asking you that. Besides...I've gotten over you."



"Really?"



"Yeah, and I'm interested in this boy who sits behind me in French."



"Well good luck with him." Horohoro said and they got up to head home. They said their good byes when they reached the place to separate. Horohoro first said his thank you, and Tamao said it was nothing. She watched him for a while, not able to help but to feel a bit hurt. She wasn't over him, she lied too. But she's worn this facade before. She knows how to hide herself like this, this was even her second time. And unlike Horohoro, she also knew when someone else wore the mask. She knew it hurt and that's why she wore hers and had him remove his. If only what she said was true. If only she really was interested in the boy who sat behind her in French. But that couldn't be possible. Because she sits in the very back and the only thing behind her is the wall. But she's used to it, and it felt nice to be cupid.



Chapter 10: Still Yours



Ren sat in his last class, scribbling down the last bit of notes before it would be over for the day. By now he really didn't know what to do, or if there was anything to do. Most of him was convinced that Horohoro was really gone and never coming back. Just the thought of being alone again...to having nothing and going back to the days he didn't have Horohoro...he didn't want that. Being with Hao didn't mean anything, it just made it lonelier. He didn't love him. But like the bruenette said before, it seems that Hao is all he has left. Maybe if he just keeps pretending for a long time...



RING!



Ren's thoughts were cut off by the bell and he gathered his things and went out. Too much was going through his head. After finding out about Horohoro and Tamao, he barely found hope or reason to get out of this.



Horohoro rushed passed the crowd and finally reached Ren's class. But he was too late, no one was there. He cursed under his breath and went outside. He looked around, and spotted a figure with a pointed top. Knowing who it was, he rushed over to the figure.



"Ren!" He called out and the said male turned, recognizing the voice. Seeing it was Horohoro, Ren turned away but was caught by the arm. He struggled out of the grasp and ran away with Horohoro following behind. But they didn't run long. Maybe it was because he panicked, but Ren clumsily stumbled on his feet and fell forward. But before hitting the ground, he was caught safe in Horohoro's arms. He looked up at the bluenette, who greeted his face with a smile. Ren was lost in those onyx eyes for a small moment, just wanting to stare at that smiling face he loved so much. But then he caught himself, and jerked himself out of the hold.



"Let go of me, damnit!" He hissed but Horohoro still held on to his waist.



"Ren, just listen to me."



"Why! There isn't even anything to listen to!"



"Yes there is! Ren, I love you, alright? I love you! I only love you and I won't give you up!" Ren froze for a moment. Those words were what he wanted to hear for so long. And soon the Chinese forgot why he was even running away, or what situation they were in. Seeing that Ren has calmed down to his words, Horohoro smiled again. He loosened his grip around Ren's waist and spoke slowly.



"Let's go back to my place first, alright? We can talk there." Ren wasn't even thinking, he just wanted to be with Horohoro. Silently he nodded and followed the Ainu to his apartment. When they reached the door, Horohoro was actually amazed that they came this far without conflict. After the way Ren kept on avoiding him before, he expected him to run like he did earlier. But he's been silent the whole way, following in peace without a word. But that's what worried Horohoro. Ren hasn't said anything and he didn't seem like himself. He looked at him from the corner of his eye, still seeing a blank and empty Ren. He didn't know what Hao did, but the Ainu swore he's gonna put an end.



"You don't have to worry about Hao here." Horohoro said as he was pulling out his keys. But when Ren heard Hao's name, he realized what's going on. What am I doing! He thought frantically and began to walk away. Horohoro was shocked at first but then he flared, and brought him inside forcefully. He pinned him to the wall and held his shoulders in a tight grasp.



"Gods Ren, Why! Fuck, I don't get it anymore!"



"Well what's to get? We're over!"



"Well we wouldn't be if you didn't sleep with Hao!"



"I'm sorry!" Ren suddenly screamed and pulled himself out of Horohoro's grasp, which was now starting to hurt him. He put his back on the wall and slid down to the floor, feeling as if the pressure would crush him. He clutched on his dark purple hair as tears streamed out of his pleaing eyes. He didn't know what to do, it was all too much. Just being back in the apartment he used to live in with Horohoro, with the bluenette in front of him, it all brought back so much memories. And the way he smiled at him, he missed that face so much. But with Horohoro yelling at him like that, it brings back the day when all this happened. He thought he was doing what he had to do, but it feels like he's right back to where he started. What was he suppose to do?



"Im sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Ren kept repeating, his voice cracked now as tears kept running down his face. Horohoro was beyond shocked, he was mortified. He's never seen Ren like this before. Yes, there were times he would cry but not this hard, and he rarely showed it. And he'd sometimes apologize but that was as rare as his tears. Horohoro's never seen him so scared and tremble so much, he seemed so small. He's a mess. Swallowing hard on his fuming anger, the bluenette carefully brought him in his arms. But Ren shook him away and Horohoro kept his patience, though it pained him to see the Chinese like this.



"Ren...I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..."



"You don't even love me anymore."



"What? I told you already..."



"Liar. You were lying."



"What're you talking about? I wasn't lying. I love you, Ren."



"Stop it! Stop using those words to me! If you love me so much then why're you going out with Tamao!"



"Wha...damnit. No, it's not like that."



"Bullshit!" Ren yelled through his teeth, glaring at Horohoro with his blurred eyes. Horohoro sighed and held him close, even if he struggled. He held on to Ren until he stopped struggling, and was completely still in his arms. The Chinese missed this feeling, knowing that he wanted to stay like this. Once he was quiet, Horohoro spoke again in a calm voice.



"Look, at that time I was dishonest. Not to just you but to Tamao and myself. But I was stupid, I was an idiot. Do you know why? Because I was about to give up the most important person in my life and do something I'll regret forever. But at this moment, at this very moment, I'm not being dishonest. I'm not lying. I love you, Ren." Horohoro stared into Ren's eyes pleadingly. Ren stared back, unable to comprehend on what to even think. He could hear the honesty and sincere-ness in each word. He could feel no lie. And next thing he knew, Horohoro came in and kissed him. Ren didn't even resist anymore. When Horohoro tried to part, the Chinese pulled him in for a more passionate kiss. He couldn't let him go, he missed him too much. All the love, the need for each other, everything he felt for Horohoro rushed back into him and washed away every bit of doubt and everything that was in his way. When they finally parted, Ren realized what he did. He pulled out of Horohoro's hold and went for the door. But the Ainu came in his way.



"Ren, why're you running?"

"If Hao finds us..." Ren blurted but shut his mouth tight. But it's too late, Horohoro heard enough to know enough. He pulled Ren over and looked intently into his panicked golden orbs.



"I won't let him do anything to you. What'd he say he'll do to you?"



"It's not me. Just don't show yourself around me or Hao." Ren said and Horohoro didn't get it at first. And then it hit him. Ren saw he figured it out and wished he chose a different set of words. Panicked arose again but Horohoro held him tightly as if to never let go.



"I'm sorry, Ren. I'm so sorry. Why didn't I see it? All this time, you've been hurting yourself for me. You've been protecting me." Ren clutched on Horohoro's shirt, unable to deny the relief of the realization.



"You don't have to bear it anymore. You've protected me too long. I'll protect you." Horohoro murmured and Ren held on to him even harder. He knew he was only putting the Ainu into more danger but he couldn't help it. He just wanted to stay like this. But he knew he couldn't and pulled away.



"Horohoro, I have to go. Hao might get suspicious."



"But Ren..." Horohoro began but the Chinese went out the door. Horohoro followed and said to him from the door way.



"Could you meet me here again? Right here, right after school. We can think this over together." Horohoro called out to Ren's back. Ren didn't answer and just walked on, each step betraying him.



"I'll be waiting." Horohoro whispered and closed the door.



HAO'S APARTMENT



Ren went into the showers after getting back. He hasn't seen Hao the whole day and assumed he was off somewhere. It's better that way Ren thought and let out a sigh as he washed his hair.



"Ren?" Ren heard Hao come into the home.



"What?"



"Where were you? I didn't see you today."



"I had to get some work done."



"Oh. Well I'm goin out tonight. Wanna come?"



"I'm tired and staying here."



"Alright, might be home late." With that, Ren heard Hao go out. He was actually glad that he didn't see the bruenette. If he did, he knew Hao would find something different about him. That he had changed back to how he was before, no longer under his power. That his heart wasn't so weak anymore and it was healed. If Hao read him and saw that, there'd be too much trouble.



AT CLUB PATCH



Hao sat at the bar counter with his tequila, a smile spread across his face. It took some time but things are finally going his way. Nothing interfered and Ren's defenses were crumbling. He's still a bit hollow but that could be fixed in time. For now the bruenette will just get this to be permanent and solid. He knew Ren would love him.



"Hao-sama." Hao turned to where he was called and smiled. He gave a wave and the person sat next to him.



"Long time no see." Hao said and ordered another glass. A second drink was brought out but it wasn't touched. Hao quirked a brow.



"Something wrong?"



"...Mari knows something bad."

---

7, 8... ну почему в одно низзя, ну чего за лимит, а?

Chapter 7: Moving On?



Tamao stood alone as she waited nervously, feeling like her heart could jump out of her. And her fingers fidgeted to keep her from pacing. She wished she hadn't come so early. She thought it would help her get ready but it seems to be doing the opposite. She took another deep breath to calm down, but it didn't really help.



"Tamao!" The called girl looked up and could already feel herself blush. Horohoro came running over and panted for air when he stopped. She couldn't turn back now. Once the bluenette finally caught his breath, he looked at her with his big grin.



"Was I late?"

"Um, n-no."



"Cool, I'm actually on time for something. So what'd you wanna talk about?" Tamao forced a giggle even though she felt like her stomach was twisted. She really didn't know how to start so it was best to just say it.



"Horohoro-kun, I, um I..."



"What's up, Tamao?"



"I-I...um...I...I love you!" After so much stuttering, which embarassed her too much, Tamao quickly told her message. She suddenly felt uplifted but immediately felt another weight fall on her. Horohoro stood dumbfounded, stunned at her sudden confession. And then he looked bewildered, and Tamao's heart began to sink deeply.



"I thought you loved Yoh."



"You're my closest friend who's a boy, and always comforted and made me happy when I was crushed about Yoh-kun. I eventually got over him, or rather say gave him up, but then I realized..." Tamao's cheeks turned redder and Horohoro's turned a bit pink. But he couldn't quite give an answer. That hurt Tamao a bit and she held back tears. Right before those tears fell, Horohoro spoke again.



"Three days."



"Eh?"



"Give me three days. I'll answer you then, I promise."



"...Ok." And so, Horohoro thought about it for those three days. His heart is what made him so lost. He loved Ren, not Tamao, and would choose the Chinese over her. So why didn't he? Because he was scared. Though he didn't really love Tamao, it was true that she's the closest friend out of every girl he knew. He at least knew that she loved him so choosing her wouldn't really be a bad thing. While Ren on the other hand, he didn't know if the Chinese loved him back. Choosing Ren would mean taking a chance. A risk to being broken. And who knows, maybe by giving Tamao a chance, Horohoro might grow to love her back. And so, three days later...



"Tamao?"



"Yes, Horohoro-kun?"



"I'm...sorry. I can't"



Horohoro leaned back on a tree as he looked back on that time, about two years ago. For a while, he thought about going to Tamao. For a while, it seemed right. But then the night before meeting her again, he realized it's wrong. It happened when he thought about Tamao's placement. He soon saw that she was somewhere he was trying to run from. Unlike him who was trying to go the easy way out, Tamao was facing her fear. Like him, she knew well of the chance of rejection. But still, she confronted Horohoro with her true feelings and didn't try to run away with dishonesty. And though he knew he was going to hurt her, Horohoro turned her down. But his eyes were opened to do what Tamao did; comfront Ren with his heart.



"Horohoro-kun!" Horohoro was quickly pulled out of his deep thoughts as Tamao came to him.



"Gomen-nasai. Did I make you wait?" The girl asked apologetically. But Horohoro smiled in return.



"Nah, not at all."



XxXxXx AT THE CAKE PLACE XxXxXx



The two sat at a table with cake in front of both of them. Tamao ordered a piece of chocolate cake and so did Horohoro along with cheese cake, strawberry short cake, and apple pie. As they ate, Tamao couldn't help but giggle at how excitedly Horohoro munched down. His child-like manner was always so cute, she couldn't resist. Plus, it always made her feel rewarded when he ate like that with food she cooked for him. Those moments highlighted even her darkest days.



"Did I do something funny?" Horohoro asked as he paused from eating and looked at Tamao. She shook her head in answer and held back giggles when she noticed a bit of cream at the corner of his mouth. She grabbed a napkin and gently wiped if off.



"No, but you look funny with cream on your face."



"Heh, thanks. So how's it been lately?"



"Nothing much. Classes are the same, some hard, some not. The onsen is busy sometimes, but Anna-san likes it that way. Yoh-kun does most of the work, including the cleaning. And Manta helps around sometimes too."



"I bet Anna makes him." Horohoro said and Tamao smiled with a slight nod. She never liked to speak ill of Anna, or anyone at all. Horohoro just laughed, not even surprised that some things haven't changed.



"So how's it been with you?"



"Uh...not much." Horohoro answered. He brought up some stories about the funniest embarassing moments that happened in class that he's seen, some of which happened to him. And he went on with the craziest things he's witnessed at parties, some of them even he's amazed they got away with. Or at least he did. And Tamao listened through it all in fascinated interest, laughing most of the time as she did. All in all, they were having a great time.



However, the pink haired girl didn't ask her question for the conversation to go this way. When she asked How's it been with you?, she was really asking How have you been since you and Ren broke up? and that also meant What happened?. She thought he'd understand, and he possibly did, but he was able to smoothly bring the subject in a different direction. She wished she could be more straight forward with what she wanted to say instead of always being so bottled up. But then again, she didn't want to make things uneasy when they haven't seen each other for so long. And remembering Horohoro calling it a date just made it harder, especially since she still had feelings for him.



"Tamao? Are you there?"



"Eh?" Tamao looked blank as she returned to Horohoro. She actually was listening, but somehow she pulled out her thoughts she had at the back of her head and went a bit too deep without realizing it. She looked at him apologetically and sank in her chair a bit. But Horohoro smiled like he was unbothered.



"It's alright."



"Gomen-nasai. What did you say?"



"Are you good with biology? I don't get more than half the stuff we're doing.



"Maybe because you sleep half the time?"



"Hm...maybe."



"You don't get enough sleep with all the fun you're always having." Tamao said scoldingly but Horohoro just rolled his eyes.



"So could you help me?"



"Sure, but I'm helping, not giving answers."



"Fine fine. When can we start?"



"When are you open?"



"How about tomorow? I gotta get a lot done before we get into something new."



"Alright, then meet me at the library tomorow after classes." The two decided to leave once the plan of tutoring was set. Horohoro payed for the cakes and tea and walked Tamao home. They said their goodbyes, and Tamao went to her room and sighed when she sat down on her bed. She had fun, she honestly did. But she was disappointed that in the end she couldn't find out what happened between Ren and Horohoro. But at the same time, she missed moments like today. It took her so long to get over Yoh. She wondered if she'd ever get over Horohoro. Especially now that she had a chance.



Chapter 8: Broken



As planned, Horohoro met Tamao at the library for some biology tutoring. And thanks to it, he caught up with his class and didn't get lost when they reached a new topic the next week. However, the Ainu revealed to the pink haired girl of the other subjects he had trouble with. And time to time he'd see her for places he got stumped at. But Tamao didn't mind helping him out, and they'd sometimes go to his or her house to study. And there were even times when the girl would have troubles and Horohoro would help her. Indeed, they spent a lot of time helping each other out, and it went on for a month.



But they didn't just meet for studying. They'd have lunch together and sometimes they'd go somewhere like ice cream. But usually it would be Horohoro that invited Tamao. And sometimes she'd try out new recipes and have Horohoro be the judge. Much went on between the two for a month. And all through it, Ren hasn't seen Horohoro.



It worried Ren to not see the Ainu for so long. He'd sometimes worry that something happened to him, and frequently watched the news. However, he has been secretly searching. Hao was finally giving him some space, agreeing that they shouldn't have to stick like glue. However, Ren was still on his toes, just to be on the safe side. There could always be someone from SOF watching where he can't see, and the Chinese at least knew better than to really believe that Hao was fully trusting him. Not with the way he reads people. On top of all that, he didn't know where to find Horohoro. Going to his house was too risky, and besides, the Ainu was rather the type to go out a lot. All of this discouraged Ren but he kept trying. But as he tried, a few of his teachers have been worried about his work which have been either turned in late, forgotten, or done too poorly for someone as achieving as Ren. And the Chinese wasn't willing to tell them, since he really couldn't, and so the unaware professors and teachers would nag at him. But today he was lectured by one of his most unfavored professors, who went on and on about how all this could really threaten his grades. Honestly, Ren couldn't care less of his grades right now, it's the last thing he needs to worry about. And when the teacher was finally done, there was barely anyone in the hall. Ren, with a stromy mood, walked down the seemingly empty hall and was about to turn a corner.



"Have you heard about Horohoro and Tamao?" Ren stopped and hid behind the wall. Usually he wouldn't care at all for gossip but this one was different. It was a girl, one he didn't know, and she seemed to be talking to another girl.



"Heard what?"



"That they're going out."



"Are you serious? Since when?"



"A while ago, a month I think."



"You sure it's true?"



"I think so. They've been seen together a lot. I've seen them a few times too. And I once saw them at that new cake store, and I think it was a date."



"They make such a cute couple!" Ren then stepped out of his hiding spot and walked passed the two girls in a brisk pace. He's heard enough and didn't need anymore.



A WEEK LATER



For a week Ren couldn't think straight or anything since he overheard the conversation. He regretted doing all those things to push away Horohoro and now he might have succeeded. Yes, it was intentional but it was to keep the bluenette safe until he found a way out of this. Now it might be too late if he really did move on. But already? He was so persistent and now he might be with Tamao? Ren bit down on his lip. Maybe...this is how he felt. Maybe this is...for the best? Ren shook the last thought out of his head. Hao was off somewhere with SOF and he stayed at home for the weekend, needing some time to think everything through. But it did no good, going outside might be better.



Unaware of Ren's troubles, Horohoro was on another date, as he called it. It made it harder for Tamao to ask anything about him and Ren, and it made her feel selfish and a bit ashamed. Especially when she's enjoying all his company. And today, they went to the mall for a sale. Tamao really asked Anna to come, but she declined and Horohoro volunteered when he heard. She couldn't say she wasn't delighted. However, neither of them thought the place would be so packed with people. It was probably impossible to get everything you wanted. Horohoro offered half jokingly that they hold hands so as to not lose each other. Turning beet red, Tamao said she'll be fine and politely declined. How wrong she was. One hour in the place and they lost sight of each other. And after thirty minutes of searching, just when panick was getting the best of Tamao, a hand took hers. She turned and was about to scream, but then sighed with relief.



"Alright, wether you like it or not, we're goin' with the buddy system." Tamao agreed, it's not like she didn't want to. The rest of the day she felt her best. When she saw their reflection in the display window, she couldn't supress her smile. They really did look like a couple. And they shopped until there was nothing more to shop for.



While Horohoro and Tamao shopped, Ren was out walking aimlessly to no particular destination. However, he soon noticed that he's brought himself to the mall. Finding no use of being there, he almost turned around. Until he saw Horohoro and Tamao walk out. Hand in hand. For a split second he froze, but quickly hid behind a tree. He took a small peek to see if he saw it right. Indeed, they were holding hands. But Horohoro let go and took the bags Tamao was holding. Ren hid again, this time until they were gone. He sat there for a long while, feeling as though something just shattered inside, and then walked wearily back to Hao's place.



Hao returned when it was late and dark out. He assumed that Ren was asleep since the lights were off and decided to check on him. He saw the Chinese laying down on his bed without the covers. He approached him quietly but was caught dumbfounded when he saw the eyes were open, showing melting gold glowing in the darkness. Hao made a smile and came to lie down next to him.



"Couldn't sleep?" Ren, staring at Hao with blank eyes, shook his head slowly. He did try to sleep, but what he saw that day seemed to be burned in his brain. And he could see it more clearly when he closed his eyes. Even if he did fall asleep, he knew a nightmare will wake him soon after.



"Lonely?" Hao whispered and brushed some of Ren's hair out of his eyes. Ren blinked at the question. Hao turned his body on his back and moved himself to loom above him. He wore a serious but soft exprеssion, not one that showed lustful hunger. But they both knew that he meant both love and lust. He took off his shirt and began to undo Ren's. The Chinese did nothing, sprawled on his back until he was open and completely vulnerable to Hao. The bruenette hovered over him and his hair curtained the sides of their heads.



"Is this why you love me?" Ren suddenly asked, breaking the delicate silence. Hao was dumbfounded once again. He really felt strange the whole way that Ren didn't resist what so ever. And the only thing he says is this? It seemed too easy or the change seemed too great. But Ren's face showed there was no wall and that he might actually be surrendering. The bruenette smiled and shook his head.



"Of course not. I love you." He murmured and came lower down. Ren still didn't seem to show resistance, which Hao considered good. "I just wish you could say the same to me. Could you, Ren? Could you say you love me?" Ren looked into Hao's dark eyes and opened his mouth. But nothing came out. Hao blinked and tilted his head but still nothing came from Ren. The Chinese looked away with a troubled exprеssion, knowing that he couldn't do it. Those three words still souly belonged to Horohoro and he couldn't give them to Hao or anyone else, without picturing the bluenette. Hao sighed, a bit disappointed. He put a hand to Ren's cheek and moved his face so their eyes would meet again.



"That's alright." He said and began to kiss down his neck. But Ren just lay there, staring up at the ceiling as Hao's hands skimmed his body. The bruenette stopped, unsatisfied by all this. There was no struggle, resistance, reaction, no mere reply at all. Though Ren is who he wanted, this wasn't it. Sighing again, he came next to the Chinese and brought him close, still holding his smile.



"No need to rush, we've made a lot of progress. You practically are mine." He said and sealed their lips. Ren kept himself there and closed his eyes. That way, it wasn't Hao but Horohoro's face he saw. Maybe this really is all he has left.

---

5, 6... да, их много - их 12...

Chapter 5: All That's Left



Horohoro turned and walked into the alley towards them. Ren stood frozen as Hao was only a few feet behind him. Panick rose inside him as Horohoro got closer. He didn't know what to do, let alone what the Ainu was even planning to do. But from the cold hard stare from his eyes, he knew it couldn't be good.



"Horohoro..." Ren finally managed to say but trailed off when the bluenette walked right passed him and headed for Hao. But being unbothered by the approach, Hao smiled with a quirked brow.



"Here to show your pathetic tears again?" He asked in unhidden mockery and his smile widened. But a surprise blow wiped off the smile and Ren's eyes widened at the sudden action. Hao stood his ground on time to regain balance before falling, but another fist hit him. Another came but he saw it before getting hit. He grabbed it with one hand and with the other he threw a fist into the bluentte's gut.



"Horohoro!" Ren screamed and came to Horohoro's side. The Ainu came down on his knees as he coughed and gasped for air while holding his stomach. Ren came down next to him but then felt a chill run down his spine. He looked up at Hao who wore a displeased frown and glared at Horohoro. Ren swallowed hard as he recalled what happened just a few minutes ago in Club Patch. The power the brunette had and what he's capable of.



"I thought Ren made it clear to you yesterday?"



"I don't care. I know you did something, Hao!" Horohoro got on his feet again and clentched his teeth. Ren also got on his feet but grabbed his arm and held him back. He couldn't let the same thing happen to him... even if he has to lie again.



"I told you he didn't do anything! I told you why I left you!"



"Then prove it, Ren! Prove to me that you love him and not me!"



"Yes Ren, prove it to him." Hao added and Ren's blood ran cold. It was just a flash, but Ren saw it. Hao's eyes switched to how they were when he shot the guy at Club Patch. It's a warning and possibly even an order. The Chinese had to do something. Something that'll convice Horohoro. But what...what can he do to get him out of danger's way? Ren stood in his spot, his mind searching desperately for an answer.



"Ren?" Hao called out expectantly and Ren nodded. There was...one thing. He let go of Horohoro's arm and slowly walked up to Hao. Gomen Horohoro... Ren thought and stepped as close as he can to Hao. He closed his eyes tight, so as to picture Horohoro's face instead of seeing Hao's, as he pressed his lips on the bruenette's though he dare not deepen the kiss. A surge of pain shot through Horohoro as Hao made a slight smile with his pressed lips. It only lasted about two seconds and Ren parted away. He was only able to do it because he pictured it was Horohoro. But there was still sense that it wasn't, he only hoped this was convincing enough. Unable to look at the pain stricken face of the bluenette, he spoke while eyes on the ground.



"Was that good enough for proof? Now stop causing so much trouble and just accept the fact that we're over. Get over it and move on!" Ren hid his lies and pain with a venemous glare he was so good at making. He and Hao walked passed the Ainu as he stood stunned, crushed by everything. Hao turned around and made a triumphant smirk. But Ren held back tears and bit down on his lip, hating them at this very moment.



When the two returned to the apartment, Ren went straight to the bed and fell back on it. He let out a stressed sigh, mentally screaming at himself to hurry up and wake up from this nightmare. This is all he could do, how can he be so helpless? How can Hao make him so powerless? How could he have done that?... Because there was no other way.



"You're not tired already, are you?" Ren shot his eyes open and they widened. Hao loomed over him, shirtless with a seductive smirk. He leaned down to kiss him, but the Chinese turned his head away.



"Don't touch me, bastard!" Ren kicked Hao off and shot dagger eyes at him. Hao stood up with a frown and went towards Ren again. The Chinese tensed but stood his ground, his golden eyes shinning with fury. Though he's keeping Horohoro away, that doesn't mean he's letting Hao take total control.



"Why Ren? I thought you're over him?" Hao said and grabbed Ren by his wrist. The Chinese struggled but the brunette pinned his legs with his own and was ready with a strong hold. Hao brought his face close that Ren could feel his breath. Though pinned against the wall he turned his face as far away as he can.



"That couldn't have been your best kiss, it wasn't even that good. I bet you've done better with that idiot." One of Hao's hands held Ren's wrists while the other began to unbotton the Chinese's shirt. As he did he ran his lips down his neck and Ren shuddered. He struggled again and clentched his teeth.



"Kisama, I told you not to touch me!" Ren finally snatched his arms out of Hao's grasp and pushed him away. Hao let out a sigh and quirked a brow, obviously disappointed.



"So you're not over him." He said bluntly as Ren buttoned his shirt again. He didn't reply, but that was because he knew he didn't have to. Hao walked up to him but this time Ren got in a position of defense. Hao brought Ren close by the waist and the Chinese tried to pull away, but came to no avail. Not caring that Ren was squirming so much, Hao kept him in his hold and spoke again in a low tone.



"He's not coming, Ren. You made it clear to him. He's never coming back." Ren froze and he looked at Hao with widened eyes. A lump formed in his throat and Hao stroked his dark purple hair.



"I'm here for you, Ren. I'm the only one here for you. I'm all you have left." Ren, still in his fear stricken state shook his head, not wanting to believe Hao's words. But he knew he began to feel that it's the truth. He made the mistake to push Horohoro away and now he might really be gone. He's out of reach for any help. Ren suddenly felt isolated in an empty world. In a world without Horohoro. That he and Hao are the only ones left. Horohoro won't come back.



Horohoro... Ren thought as Hao stared into his eyes intently. He let go of Ren who had to lean back on the wall to still stand. Hao touched his paled face and turned it towards him.



"He's still in you...but you'll learn. You'll love me because I'm all you have left."



XxXx HOROHORO'S APARTMENT xXxX



Horohoro opened the door to his room and closed it behind him. But his legs didn't make it to his bed and instead he leaned back on the door and slid down to the floor. He didn't walk much and he already recovered from Hao's attack. But he felt as if all his energy's been drained. Like a hole's been drilled into him and it spread to make him hollow. He felt betrayed like a toy thrown away by his beloved owner for something better. He felt used like he was nothing from the start.



Horohoro slammed a fist on the floor and clentched his teeth. Blazing fury burned inside. It ate away at his shredded heart and it's sewn together to something else. It left him with only a hard solid shell. With only one thing. Want me to move on? Fine, I'll move on.



Chapter 6: NOT OVER YOU



Three weeks passed since the incident and neither Horohoro or Ren has seen each other. Though this is technically what Ren wanted to keep the Ainu safe, the thought that he's possibly left behind pained him more by each passing day. But there was a small bit of hope high that he was wrong. And with those hopes he still searched for a way to solve the problem without getting anyone hurt. He kept thinking as he walked next to Hao on the streets, unaware that Hao's been talking to him.



"Ren, are you listening?"



"What?" Ren blinked and turned to Hao who sighed.



"I asked if you want some lunch now."



"Oh...sure." Ren answered, trying not to show what he was really thinking. They went into the food court and each ordered their food. They sat down at a table and ate, Hao feeling an odd silence form Ren. The Chinese didn't seem to be interested in his food but more like his mind was somewhere else, which it is. Damnit, isn't there any way? Hao already barely gives me time for myself, so seeing Horohoro is way too hard. Calling would be a bad idea if he hears... I can try to see him secretly...but what if he has one of his SOF guys spying? Besides, Hao wouldn't give me the chance. Shit, why couldn't I at least have one class with Horohoro!



"You're not hungry?"



"Huh? No, I'm ok." Ren answered quickly and got to his food. Hao eyed him for a second but then began to eat again too. However, his suspicions still didn't cease. By the time he was done, Ren wasn't even half way through. Hao rested his chin on his hand and spoke in a bored tone.



"Are you still thinking about him?" Ren stopped eating and looked up at Hao. The bruenette wore a serios exprеssion, but not one that Ren would be afraid of. "I said I'm ok." Ren said firmly and kept on eating. Come on, there has to be a way...maybe, maybe I don't have to see him. If not calling either then we can still...give letters! That could be a good way as long as Hao or anyone else doesn't find out. Ren considered his idea, unaware of Hao's unceased suspicion. The bruenette closed his eyes and let out a sigh.



"When are you going to forget him and move on? He seemed to have." Ren looked up at Hao again when he heard the last sentence. Hao tilted his head to the side for Ren to look. The Chinese turned and his mouth opened a bit. Across the room at another table was Horohoro sitting with a few of his friends. One of his friends said something that Ren couldn't hear, and the bluenette burst into laughter. His other friends also laughed, holding their stomachs and wiping tears. Ren watched them for some time, unaware that his fingers were tightening their grip on his soda.



"Now why can't you laugh like that around me?" Hao asked in a false envious tone. But it's either Ren was ignoring him or couldn't hear. All he did was stare at the group or rather say stare at Horohoro. And as if he was insulted, he narrowed his eyes and turned away with a huff.



"I'm done." He said and left his food on the table.



"Where're we going?" Hao asked as he followed Ren out. Ren glanced at the window where Horohoro still talked excitedly with his friends.



"I don't care." He hissed, not even noticing the smirk plastered on Hao's face.



XxXx THAT NIGHT xXxX



Ren sat at the window sill, his golden orbs gazing at the scattered stars. For the rest of the day after lunch, he and Hao watched a movie and had Chinese food for dinner. It was all Hao's idea and he called it a date while Ren didn't call it anything. He really wouldn't have done all that if it weren't for what he saw at lunch. He only did it to get it out of his head. But of course, he couldn't and it made questions spin inside. Is he really over me that easily? Does he really not care anymore? Does he really...not love me anymore? The way Horohoro laughed, the way he smiled. He seemed to really be having fun. Of course, that's what Ren wanted. He wanted Horohoro to be happy, to have fun, to be ok. Nothing like how he was when this whole thing started. He was so hurt, confused, angry, and so persistent to take Ren back. But still, it told him that he was there in the Ainu's heart. But then today, it didn't seem like that anymore. Ren knew he shouldn't have gotten upset, but he couldn't help it. He just felt so forgotten. He was angry at himself for thinking this way but also confused at how he should feel now.



"What's with the sad face?" Ren turned to find Hao's face only about two inches away from his. He flinched and fell backwards to the open window. But before falling out, Hao caught one of his hands on time and pulled him back inside and into his arms.



"Careful now." He said and smiled. It took a second for Ren to relax and pushed Hao away. But Hao pushed him down on the couch and used his weight to keep the Chinese below him. "What's wrong, Ren? What's bothering you?" He whispered and a hand wandered below Ren's shirt while the other tried to undo it. But Ren threw a fist at him though it was dodged. Hao drew himself away and frowned. Ren returned the frown with a growl and dagger eyes.



"That bothers me! You're wrong!"



"But you were fine with it once."



"I was drunk! I didn't know who you were!"



"But you knew it wasn't Horohoro." Hao countered in a matter-of-fact tone. Ren closed his mouth and couldn't really counter back.That was true. A painful truth. But still, he didn't want anyone but Horohoro. And he didn't want to sleep with anyone else, especially Hao. It's bad enough that it happened once and that he's in this situation.



"Ever since I...came to you, you constantly tried to force me to sex. Especially after my first time at Club Patch where you hurt Horohoro. I may have left him and said I'll follow your rules, but that doesn't mean I'll let you do whatever you want with me." Ren's words dripped with spite and he narrowed his eyes. Hao listened with a calm exprеssion, but then his lips curved to a smile. He ran his finger tips down Ren's face and cupped his chin.



"I want to do it when you're sober. When you know it's me and you're not under any influence. I want to because I love you." Hao whispered and pressed his lips on Ren's. When he parted, he spoke again.



"I'm doing all this because I love you." Ren scowled at his words. And I'm doing this to protect Horohoro. Because I love him. And he... Ren's mind froze. He didn't really know how to finish the sentence. He...he..loves...but today...He...loves? or...loved? Ren's head crammed with cofusion and he clentched his teeth. Hao frowned and he locked their eyes.



"Unless you're stil thinking about him. You know if he's in the way..."



"I know that, damnit! Just shut up and get off me so I can get to sleep!" Ren yelled and shoved Hao off. He stomped to the guest room which he used for himself and locked the door. Hao sighed in disappointment but decided to give more time. Afterall, he knew it won't be long.



xXxX TO HOROHORO XxXx



Horohoro heaved a sigh and slumped down on the swing in a park. He just said goodbyes to his friends which he's been out with all day, and now it's dark with scattered stars. But what got him tired the most...was pretending. The whole situation with Ren and Hao was just too stressful, and ever since the last time he's seen them near Club Panick, he decided to really move on. If that's how Ren really feels, if he's really gone with Hao, then he's decided that he needs to forget him. And though it's been weeks, he's still in the process. Even this day, most of the purpose was the forget. To move on. But it just got harder. Each and everyday thinking of Ren became more frequent. He knew that's how much the Chinese meant to him. He couldn't just let go. But I don't mean that much to him. He let go. Horohoro thought and his grim exprеssion darkened as he stared at the ground.



"Um, Horohoro-kun? What's wrong?" Horohoro recognized that soft spoken voice. He looked up to meet eyes with a girl of short pink hair. The girl stared at him worriedly as she stood, waiting for an answer.



"Hey Tamao. I'm alright, just a little tired."



"...It's about Ren-kun, isn't it?" Tamao said and sat on the swing next to Horohoro.



"How'd you..."



"Well I go to the same college, and haven't seen the two of you together lately." This was true. Though Anna and Yoh took care of the onsen and didn't go to any college, Tamao attended the same one as Horohoro and Ren. However, lately they haven't seen each other, so they haven't kept in touch. Let alone, neither have been seeing Tamao. Horohoro suspected that there was another source.



"Did you find out in any other way?"



"Well...a lot of people know about it and i overheard gossip that you two broke up and that now Ren and Hao are together. But you know how inaccurate gossip can be so I didn't really believe it."



"Well it's true."



"Eh?" For a second Tamao accused her ears of playing tricks. But Horohoro looked at her and nodded. Both went silent, not knowing what to say. But Tamao spoke up after about five minutes in the silence.



"Why? Why did you two..."



"Things just didn't work out."



"Did you guys argue again? That's happened tons of times before, you still could've worked it out."



"It's not like that!" "G-gomen nasai." Horohoro closed his eyes and calmed down.



"Don't apologize, I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's just...things didn't work out." Tamao decided to not ask anymore and just nodded. And again, the uncomfortable silence returned. The atmosphere got gloomy, far too gloomy. So Horohoro decided to change the subject.



"So why're you out so late?"



"I had to go buy food for tonight's dinner." Tamao held up her plastic bag full of groceries. And that reminded her to look at her watch. Her eyes went wide and she jumped to her feet.



"Anna-san's going to kill me!" Horohoro walked next to her as she hurriedly walked out of the park. Before they each headed for their own home, Horohoro took Tamao's hand to stop her.



"Tamao, hey...are you busy this saturday?"



"Um, I believe not. Why?"



"I know this place with great cake. Maybe we could, you know." Tamao's cheeks turned pink and she made a shy smile.



"Sure, sounds good."



"Then it's a date! Saturday at two, right here!" Horohoro made a wide grin and headed for his house. Tamao made a small sigh and watched him go farther away. She watched him longingly. She didn't really know if it was right to agree on the date. Not when she didn't know what happened between Horohoro and Ren. And she didn't even hear what happened to them from any gossip. She really heard from Hao and wanted to hear the truth from either Horohoro or Ren. And she didn't say she heard from Hao, afraid she might cause trouble. But apparently it is true, she just doesn't know what happened. But she did know one thing...she still wasn't over him.

---

3, 4. Какая фраза! "No, don't go...Don't leave me,Ren! No..."

Chapter 3: Lying For You



Horohoro sat in his biology class, staring blankly into space. There was nothing written on his paper but that was far from his concern. Only one thing concerned him and it got worse the more time passed. He furrowed his brows just at the thought of it being real and not a nightmare.



It was first proven to him that it was real when he woke up alone in the morning. When all of Ren's belongings were gone with him. For the first time, Horohoro felt that the small apartment room was big and empty. Like him. And all day he was alone. But being alone wasn't the only thing that hurt the Ainu. It was also the way Ren acted.



Horohoro looked for Ren which he still loved. He spotted him a few times, even called out his name. And he knew that each time Ren heard him because the Chinese would pause and turn his head. Their eyes would even meet and Horohoro knew he was noticed. And yet Ren would go on by in a faster pace like he's in a hurry all of a sudden and Horohoro wasn't there. The fact was obvious; he was being avoided.



What made it even more confusing was whenever he saw Ren, there would be Hao right next to him. They were rather close, and Hao would act and look sadistic. It wouldn't be much of a surprise for a couple, but this was Ren. Wether they be in a relationship or not, he's not like that. And he only knew Ren to hate Hao. But the Chinese did nothing like he's allowing or accepting it. In a way, the bluenette couldn't understand. But then again, he did because Ren did say they're together now. But that's just what he couldn't believe.



Now that Horohoro thought about it, Hao has quite a reputation. Though the brunette also went to college, that meant nothing to him. No one really knew why he enrolled, but Horohoro began to think his only soul reason was Ren. During the day, Hao would be in school with a complete I-don't-care attitude. Some days he didn't even come. But it was known well enough to many other students that he's far more dangerous than he seems. He's frequently spotted with his group of friends known as Spirit of Fire (SOF) and it's obvious that he's the leader. In general, his life in the shadows is mostly a mysetry, but obvious enough to know you don't want to get into it. He'd do whatever he wants to get what he wants. Some say he's capable of murder and getting away with it. Horohoro's thoughts stopped when the bell rang. He quickly gathered his things and headed for Ren's last class.



Ren calmly walked out of his class with a sigh. It took so much of his energy to bear with Hao. it's bad enough that he needs to avoid and ignore Horohoro. At the thought of the Ainu he heaved another sigh. It can't be helped. He mentally told himself and clentched his hands into fists. He had to keep him out of trouble as much as he can until he somehow found a way to solve this. The Chinese suddenly got pulled by strong arms through a door to an empty stairway. He shook out of the grasp and pinned the person to the wall. He raised a fist but then froze.



"Horohoro...what're you..."



"Ren, we have to talk!" Ren swallowed the lump in his throat and let go of Horohoro. He turned and walked towards the door, but the bluenette took his hand again.



"He threatened you, didn't he? What'd he say he'll do?" "He..." Ren began but stopped. Let's keep this between the two of us. He remembered Hao say to not let anyone know anything. He looked at Hao with the coldest glare he could make. Horohoro looked apalled, but held on to his hand.



"He didn't do anything. You said it yourself that you're unsure of our relationship. What're you crying about?"



"I didn't mean it, I was too upset. And I don't want to lose you."



"Well here's news for you: you DID!"



"But to him? To Hao! Ren, all this time you hated his guts. You said you don't even welcome any of his flirts that day he kissed you. Then that night you get drunk, he fucks you, and now all of a sudden we're over and you go to him! I thought our love was stronger than that! It doesn't make sense!" Ren stood holding his cold stare as he surpressed the truth. The urge to tell weighed down on him, he felt like he could be crushed. He wanted to tell him he still loved him. He wanted to say their love is strong. He wanted to tell him about Hao's threat...but he has to protect him.



"I'll say it simple and slow enough to get through that head of yours. The. Love. Is. Gone." Ren said and felt his heart tear into pieces at each false word. Horohoro's eyes welled with tears as he stood stunned. Silence fell between them and Ren looked away from Horohoro, unable to bear it. He wished he wasn't so good at lying. He wished he wasn't so good at hiding himself so well. He wished he wasn't so convincing. He wished... for too much?



"Well well, I'm glad you made it clear to him, Ren." The two turned and saw Hao walking up the stairs toward them. Horohoro made a hard glare but it wasn't threatening with the tears in his eyes. The brunette went passed him and put an arm around Ren's shoulders. Ren, though he wanted to, didn't resist. Hao made a cocky smirk at Horohoro and brought Ren close. The site made more tears well in Horohoro's eyes and overflow. The falling crystal liquid shot a bullet through Ren.



"I'm sorry, we'll leave you alone now." Hao said with taunt in his tone and went down the stairs with Ren. The Chinese felt dark eyes on his back but he willed himself not to turn. The two went outside, leaving Horohoro alone in the empty stairway.



No, don't go...Don't leave me,Ren! No... Horohoro clentched his teeth as his eyes stung from hot tears.



HAO'S APARTMENT



Hao walked in and Ren followed behind him. He turned and cupped Ren's chin, tilting his head so their eyes will meet. His lips curved to a sly smile, but Ren returned it with his frown.



"I'm glad you're getting him out of our way."



"Shut up." Ren hissed and narrowed his eyes. Hao's smile didn't fade but his exprеssion got more serious. Not angry, but hard enough to give a message. However, Ren didn't care right now. He said words untrue and said too many lies to even care what happens to him.



"I don't want anyone in our way. You don't understand now, but later you will. You will love me." Hao pushed Ren to the wall and lightly kissed his neck. And before Ren could do anything, he grabbed his wrists and caressed his lips on the Chinese's neck. He pulled him down to sit on the floor and pinned his legs down with his own. Ren struggled but came to avail of escape. He made a low and threatening growl but it was muffled by Hao's lips. Horohoro... He thought desperately and pulled his face away. Hao parted and locked their eyes.



"I want him out of our way. Out of your mind, your heart." Hao held Ren's eyes and Ren didn't know why he couldn't look away. It's like he's pinned by the brunette's eyes and searched through his piercing stare. And the few seconds felt prolonged, as Hao looked like he was not only staring through a glass, but looking into it. But he let go of him and got to his feet.



"I'll order us some pizza." He said and grabbed the phone. Ren couldn't believe it. In an instant those eyes changed back to the laid back ones he always knew. As if nothing happened. As if what he just felt was a lie. But his heart was still jumping and he realized he was holding his breath. He's never been so intimidated by someone like this before. Was it possible that he was being read like an open book? He shuddered at the thought. That just makes it harder to go against Hao and harder to find a way out of this...He's never wanted Horohoro more than he does now.



Chapter 4: What They're Up Against



Ren heaved a long sigh and leaned back on the wall. It's been three days since he's been with Hao and already felt stressed from his smothering affection. And now he's about to be taken out for the night.



"Let's go then." Hao said and Ren didn't answer. They walked along side each other on the dark streets for some time until Hao went into an alley. They went deeper down where the street lights' shine barely reached and they were far from people. Ren looked at Hao skeptically.



"Exactly where are you taking me?"



"Don't worry, we're almost there." Hao chuckled which irritated Ren even more. Be opened his mouth to say something else but Hao stopped abruptly.



"We're here." He said and smiled. They stood in front of a door and above it was a black sign that read Club Patch in white letters. There didn't seem to be anything special about it. And the choice of location didn't seem wise as it's hard to find and unnonicable. Ren doubted it would last long.



"Don't be decieved by looks, Ren. This place is great." With that, Hao opened the door and went in. They went down a flight of stairs until they reached another door. Music could be faintly heard and the ground lightly shook below their feet. Ren's expectations went a little higher and Hao knocked on the door. In a few seconds, a slot was revealed and a two eyes appeared.



"Ah, Hao-sama. Just a moment." There was a click and right when the door opened, the blaring music made Ren lean back. Despite the music he followed Hao inside. And he was right about decieving looks. The place was larger, louder, and somewhat better than even Panick. Nevertheless, it wasn't a place for him



"Good evening, Hao-sama." A man only a bit shorter than Ren with black hair and green eyes walked up to the two.



"Hey Nichrome. This is Ren, you've heard of him."



"Pleased to meet you." Nichrome said pleasantly and brought out a hand. Ren shook it and Hao spoke again.



"Ren, this is Nichrome. Friend of mine and a member of SOF. And he manages Patch for me."



"For you?"



"Indeed, Club Patch is Hao-sama's. It's just under my name." NIchrome answered Ren who looked around. He didn't even want to know how he got it. Hao took his hand and led him to the other side of the room with Nichrome following. He surfed through the dancing crowd with ease and it was better that he held Ren's hand or he'd get lost. When they stopped, they were behind the bar counter in front of a blank wall. Nichrome brought out what seemed like a remote and pressed a button. The wall slid open, revealing a flight of decending stairs. Ren blinked a few times and Hao made a light laugh at his reaction. He nodded at Nichrome who made a respectful bow.



"It's even better down here." Ren hesitated but reluctantly followed Hao down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, a large man blocked a door with his arms crossed. His head touched the ceiling and his body was like a mass of boulder-like muscles. A hit in the jaw would probably give worse than amnesia. But with his laid back exprеssion Hao came in front of him and the bull dog face instantly softened.



"Good evening, Hao-sama!" The man rushed to the side and opened the door. Ren followed Hao inside and his gold orbs went wide. He didn't know what to call the place. The size was probably three or four school gyms worth. It was dark with dim lighting from the high ceiling, and from that ceiling hung glass boxes and cages with erotic dancers. They moved with the music played by the band performing on stage. Plus there were more dancers on poles which were in a few places. The room is packed with people dancing away, most of them looking drunk or high. Couches and tables could be spotted here and there, seated by men flocked by women, women flocked by men, or just a drunk riot. The whole place blared with music but also buzzed with hundreds, maybe even thousands of voices.



"Listen up! Hao-sama has entered the room!" Ren didn't think it was possible, but the guard from outside was heard above all the music and voices. There was a pause and all heads turned to them. Hao showed himself and a roar of cheers filled the incredible room. Ren was more than awed by the reaction and almost forgot to follow Hao through the crowd. Three times he almost lost sight of him as he tried to keep up but avoided contact with anyone at the same time. They finally stopped at an empty couch and table. Hao sat down and Ren came next to him, but kept a distance.



"Hao-sama!"



"We missed you!"



"Where've you been?" Three women called out and flocked around Hao. Hao greeted them with a smile as they leaned on him and made themselves comfortable. One of them noticed Ren.



"Hey, who's this? Doesn't come here often, does he?" Another also looked and grinned.



"I don't think so but he's got some nice eyes." The girls giggled as they leaned over to Ren as he leaned away. But Hao took his hand and pulled him over. He put an arm around his shoulders and held him close by his side.



"No girls, he's mine." He said and the girls groaned with disappointment. A tray of alchol was brought to them but Ren kept his hands away. And he tried to bear with the atmosphere around him while still being in Hao's arm. All he could do was think about Horohoro. Where he is, what he's doing, how he's doing. He even thought about sneaking out of the place but that was too risky. But alas, the Chinese couldn't take it. He freed himself from Hao's hold and got to his feet.



"Where're you going?"



"Somewhere for myself!" Ren yelled, not wanting to be around these creeps, and went through the crowd. Again he tried not to make any contact with anyone, though it was impossible with all the people. He ignored all flirts, glares, and calls he recieved until finally, he reached a less crowded area. Over here too had a bar but it was like the one upstairs was super-sized. Ren sat himself in an open seat and the bar tender poured him a glass. Ren didn't touch it.



"Don't think I've seen you before. What's your name?"



"None of your business." Ren spat but the tender only shrugged.



"I saw you come in with Hao-sama. You guys friends?"



"..."



"Well if you need anything, just let me know. The name's Zinc. Member of SOF so don't try anything."



"So all these guys aren't part of it?"



"No way! Most of these guys have loads of cash or work here. You must be pretty special if you're neither, not part of SOF, but still came with Hao-sama." Ren didn't answer him and just stayed silent. There was a crash and ear splitting screams. He turned and saw a mass of people concentrated on one spot and cheering on to something. In a few minutes, the crowd dicipitated and went back to their partying. Revealed was a bruised and bloody man on the floor, and a blue haired smoking girl. She looked down on the man in a superior-like way and spat her cigarette at him. Zinc sighed and shook his head, but wore a smile.



"That Kanna...Hey Macchi! Did she break anything?"



"Just a table!" A girl with red hair tied in two pig tails answered back cheerfully. Zinc slapped a hand on his forehead and shook his head again. Ren decided to find Hao and tell him that he's had enough. But after he got in the crowd for a few minutes, he found himself in a circle of drunken men. One of them spoke up as they closed in.



"Well aren't you a pretty little thing?" The men sneered as Ren growled and went into a position of defense. The men came at him and Ren used his martial art techniques to dodge and knock them out. Yet the Chinese was out numbered and was soon held captive. One of the larger men stepped up with a cocky grin.



"You're such a fiesty little pretty thing." Ren galred threateningly but the men laughed hysterically. The larger one brought out an enourmous hand and held Ren's cheek. Ren tried to jerk out but the hold was firm. Then, through all the noise and music, he could've sworn he heard a sudden sound. The man stopped short and fell to the floor. His back revealed a bullet hole and a red bloch began to spread on his shirt. Ren could feel the men holding him trembling. He looked up from the body to find who did the deed. It was easy since everyone backed away and made way for the shooter.



"Get your hands off of him." Hao hissed and pointed his gun at the other men who immediately let Ren free. For the first time, the Chinese was relieved to see him. But that relief disappeared when he looked at Hao again. He could feel the fierce aura coming from him like a wild fire. Just looking into his eyes can make even the most fearless beast's blood run cold. And those eyes moved to the men, making them look small and meek.



"H-Hao-sama...uh...um..." One man stuttered as Hao came closer. He brought Ren to his side and narrowed his eyes at him.



"None of you are to touch him."



"W-w-we're s-sorry, w-we d-d-didn't know..."



"Well now you do." Hao spat and looked around at the silent crowd, giving a message that it goes for the rest of them. While holding on to Ren, they went passed the men to the other side of the room. He motioned to Zinc who nodded and opened another secret door. This too lead to another flight of descending stairs.



"What if they tell the police?" Ren asked but Hao seemed fine.



"They can't afford to go to the police. None of these people can. Now let's just go to a quieter place." Hao was back to his light tone which really made Ren even more nervous. They reached a much smaller room, the size of an average bar. The lights had dim blue lights and soft music was played. Ren was grateful of the peacefulness.



"Good evening, Hao-sama. What can I get you and your friend?" A tall slender man from behind the counter asked. Hao sat down at the counter and Ren sat next to him.



"Vodka for me, Peyote. Tea for him since he doesn't drink." The orders were brought out and as if the incident was a lie, Hao was serene and drinking in silence. Ren began to wonder if he had multi personalities.



"Things got quiet up there all of a sudden. And I think I heard a gun shot. Something happened?"



"Some bastards were giving my Ren here a hard time and pissed me off."



"Did you kill anyone?" "I don't care."



"Ren was your name? My my, you're very special. It's not everyday that Hao-sama gets so upset. In fact, it's quite rare." A lump formed in Ren's throat and he swallowed it down with some tea. He wondered if he'd ever be able to go back to Horohoro. It's more than confirmed that the ainu would be in great danger if he does. Even if Hao doesn't do anything, he can hire any of these guys to do it for him. But he shudders at the thought of never going back. So what's to do? He thought and bit down on his lip.



"Ren? Ren, you ok?" Ren blinked and looked at Hao.



"Y-yeah, I'm fine." He answered and took another look at the place. It definetly wasn't as crowded. A few tables were sat by a group or a pair. But then he noticed what went on at the tables. One table had a pair dealing drugs. Another was a group of mafia having a meeting. Another looked like business men but they discussed black marketing. Though this place was calmer, it was corrupt in it's own way. He looked at Hao with a scowl.



"What kind of place are you running!"



"Ren, even the ones we call bad needs a place. Where they can belong. And that's just what I give them."



"I want to leave."



"Already?"



"Yes. Right. Now." Hao shrugged and got out of his seat. Ren followed him to a door which had stairs going up. They reached another door and were outside in an alley. But it was one that Ren recognized. It's the one near Club Panick. They walked through and were only a few yards from the streets. They could already see passer-by's. One of them seemed to have noticed them and stopped. Ren and Hao also stopped when they saw they met eyes with a blue haired ainu.

---

1, 2.

Only you



A/N: Just to let you all know, this is completely AU. and there are a few things you guys gotta remember:

1) Ren and Horohoro are in college. However, I know nothing about colleges so if some things are inaccurate, please forgive me. And it's in Japan and lets just call it "Funbari University"

2) They have a car and live in the same apartment room, not a dorm.



Chapter One: Under the Influence



Night fell in hours ago, and now is a time for the city to change it's face. Streets are empty, though the more secluded places differ. While some are alert for the police, drunk groups make noise like a riot on wobbling feet. Clubs crowd with people dancing and drinking, living the night like an eternal dream to forget reality. And one club, Club Panick, had a surprising guest. A man who never joined this side of the world, as he never cared and didn't suit him. But this particular night is an exception, for he has something to forget, though he very well knows he can't. The pain of loniless is something to get used to and ignore when you're alone. But when you have a lover take your heart once, the pain is so hard to ignore when you're alone again.



"That idiot!" Tao Ren slammed his glass on the counter and narrowed his golden eyes. He thrust his empty glass at the bar tender, a sign for a refill. The tender did so while it was obvious that Chinese was not a strong drinker. He didn't have much but his face was bright red already. But Ren didn't care. Not when he still remembers what happened that day. When all classes have finally ended and he was just getting back to his apartment which he shared with Horohoro. When he came to the stairs and he was there.



"Damnit!" Ren closed his eyes and brought in more alchol. The liquid was hot on his throat but didn't burn away anything. He still remembers what happened there. When Horohoro caught them. When they argued again. The whole thing replays in his head...



FLASH BACK



"What was that, Ren! WHAT was THAT!"



"It's not what it seems, baka!"



"What'd you mean it's not what it seems! I saw it, Ren! I saw you guys kissing!"



"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me!"



"What the hell is the difference!"



"There's a big difference! Why won't you believe me! I didn't know he was there and he just grabbed me and just did it! It was a total surprise, I didn't see it coming." Horohoro sighed and dropped down on the couch. He put his head in his hands and slowly shook his head. Ren looked down and bit down on his lip which he now cursed. Horohoro spoke again, in a low and calmer tone.



"He's been all over you for the past month. Flirting with you. No matter what I did, no matter how I tried, he didn't stop. And now...now this?"



"I avoid him, Horohoro. I don't welcome any of it. Why do you accuse me so much? What is this relationship between us if we don't trust each other?"



"I don't know." Horohoro whispered and clutched some of his azure hair. But that just made Ren flare with rage.



"WHAT! Now you're giving me doubts on what's between us!"



"I don't know, alright! I just DON'T KNOW! I need to think about it!" Horohoro yelled and stomped off to the door. He went out and closed it with a loud slam. Ren stood stunned in the room, not wanting to believe what they just both said and what happened.



"What'd you mean you need to think about it? This is it? It's all over?" Ren whispered in the empty room. His clentched fist shook as he tried to believe this is a nightmare.



FLASH BACK END



But it's not a nightmare. It's real, damnit! Ren thought and gulped the last bit of alchol and slammed the glass on the counter again. All that time, he waited for Horohoro to return. He waited, and waited, waited and waited. But Horohoro didn't come back even if it got so late. Though Ren didn't want to admit it, he was scared. Scared that it's really over. So he decided to try to forget it all at Panick. He didn't even like the place. But tonight he thought the flashing lights will erase it all. The loud music might push it all out. The alchol might wash it all away. But it's all so vivid.



Ren clentched his teeth, knowing he'll get nowhere. He put the money for his drinks in front of the tender, and got off his chair. He almost fell over, but regained balance, and walked out the door while swaying.



As Ren walked, the whole world seemed new. Everything tilted and almost spun, and his knees felt weak as he walked. Along with this he felt light headed, but at the same time he felt like nothing was wrong. He avoided street lights as they seem to be blaring at him and decided to take a short cut through an alley. For some reason, he felt that it was ok.



"Fine, baka Ainu, we'll break up." Ren muttered. Although he couldn't see too well, he continued to walk unsteadily. He didn't see the trash can and fell over. But before he hit the ground, two strong arms caught him.



"You ok?" A voice asked and Ren looked up. It was too dark for him to see the face. But that didn't scare him and he got back on his feet.



"Thanks." He said and tried to walk again. But he stumbled on his feet, and the stranger caught him again. He took one of Ren's arms and put it over his shoulders as to keep him standing.



"Here, I'll help you home." Ren looked up at the stranger and smiled. He safely got home and even got help up the stairs. When he got to his room's door, the stranger stayed with him. With no worry, Ren brought out his key. But since he was a bit drunk, he couldn't aim the key straight into the key hole, and kept on missing. The stranger took the key from his hand, and opened the door for him.



"Thanks."



"No problem."



"...Wanna come in?"



"Are you sure? Do you even know who I am?"



"Tell me later. I just need some company. Besides, if you try anything, I'll kick your ass."



"Alright then." The stranger chuckled amusedly and went inside, still supporting Ren by the arm. He reached out a hand to the wall and searched around for the light switch. When he found it, he turned it on. The sudden change in darkness to light stabbed Ren's eyes. He shut his eyes and turned it off again. Opening his eyes again, he looked up at the stranger and still couldn't see his face.



"Leave them off."



"Sure." The stranger answered and shrugged. The room was dark again but dim with the moon light. Ren's eyes finally started to adjust and he saw that the stranger wore an open shirt. It revealed a rather built body which he couldn't quite see. But he felt the distinctively rippled smooth skin with his finger tips.



"Nice." He said and pulled his hand away. The stranger surprisingly made a smirk and touched Ren's face.



"I'd like to see what's under your shirt." Ren made a sly smirk at the stranger who came closer. He brought his face down, and Ren let him while his crooked smile stayed. But then the stranger's eyes caught something behind the Chinese. Moon light filtered through the blinds and shined down on a side table. In the light was a frame, and in it was a picture. He could clearly see two people, one being Ren and the other being Horohoro. He let go of Ren and pulled away, surprising him.



"Who's that?" The stranger asked and Ren looked where he was pointing. He slowly walked up to it, though the stranger stayed behind and watched him. He took the frame and stared at it.



"My room mate."



"Just a room mate?" Ren was about to say they were much more, but then he stopped. He still didn't forget, even when he was with this stranger. The incident, the arguement, the words that were said...where their relationship may go.



"We don't know... Things might change..." Ren faced the picture down on the table. He narrowed his eyes, angry that the Ainu hasn't come home yet. That he left him alone for so long. That he was left alone. Maybe left behind.



The stranger drifted over to Ren but tripped over his own feet. He fell face down on the bed with the Chinese below him. He lifted himself up, and looked at Ren sprawled below him. But he didn't move. Instead, he went down and pressed his lips on Ren's. When he pulled away, he still kept their position.



"Sorry." He said, though he didn't seem to really mean it. Ren stared back at him, blankly as if he didn't care. "Feeling lonely?" The stranger asked quietly.



"You can make it less lonely." Ren said and put his arms around the stranger's neck. The alchol was still getting at him because he still couldn't quite see his face. He still didn't know who he was. But maybe it's because of the alchol that he felt powerless. And he put on a smirk to hide how he felt.



"Are you sure it's ok with..." The stranger trailed off as Ren knew who he was talking about. But he sounded like he didn't care. Like he had enough confidence to know. Though Ren still wore his smirk, his eyes faltered. They seemed solemly wistful.



"I told you, I need some company tonight." With that said, the stranger smiled and came down on the Chinese.



Chapter Two: Not A Stranger At All



Ren slowly opened his eyes and groaned as he supported himself with his arms on his bed. He growled and put a hand to his throbbing head which is actually what awoke him. He cursed under his breath and sat still for a while, not wanting to make any sudden moves to make the headache worse. His memories of last night was still a fuzz, but it came back to him slowly. He remembers drinking at Panick, which explains his headache. And he vaguely remembers coming home...but he wasn't alone. He then realized the lump next to him below the covers.



"Horohoro?" Ren called out. He didn't really remember who he came home with, but he thought that maybe it was Horohoro and they made up for the arguement. But his golden eyes widened and he was speechless when he saw who was revealed.



"He's not here, you know that." Hao said with a smile spread across his face. Ren still didn't know what to say and just sat there in his bed. And then he realized something even worse. Both men weren't wearing anything. Ren paled and brought the covers tighter around himself, but didn't pull too hard so that Hao could still be covered. But the brunette looked at him with a bit of an amused smirk.



"Come on, you saw me naked all night last night. And vise versa." Ren tensed even more. This has to be a nightmare. He thought in horror. But his fear soon became rage and he gave death glares at Hao. But Hao was unaffected and he just gave a peck at his cheek. The Chinese threw a fist but Hao caught it with some ease and pushed him down on the bed and pinned him down.



"I think we had a lot of fun last night. We should do it more often."



"Shut up." Ren hissed and tried to break free but came to no avail. And the headache wasn't helping. He just glared with his gold orbs flickering with an angry fire. And Hao would only return it with his smile. He spoke again in a low tone.



"You know I've wanted you for a long time, Ren. And you really upset me when you chose him over me."



"So what? It wasn't even a hard decision, pretty easy in fact. Works with me just fine."



"Well I didn't like it. But I still waited patiently for you to change your mind and come to me." Hao frowned and squeezed Ren's wrists. The Chinese winced a bit and Hao loosened his grip, but kept him down.



"But I only have so much patience, and I'm losing it. So I don't care if I have to force it, Ren. I'm going to make you mine."



"Hn, I don't care what you do to me. It won't happen."



"Ren, I can't do anything to you. However, you might say differently if a certain Ainu gets involved."



"Don't you lay a finger on him."



"I won't if you come to me. If you break up with him, move in with me, and follow with my rules he'll be safe. No harm will be done to anyone."



"Bastard." Ren hissed and narrowed his eyes. Hao stared back with his dark eyes gleaming and he let go of the Chinese who sat up. They quickly turned to the door that opened and there stood a stunned Horohoro.



"Hao..." Horohoro growled through his teeth and glared at the shirtless brunette. But as if to feel no threat, he greeted the Ainu with a bright smile. Horohoro saw Ren sitting next to him, also shirtless. And he soon noticed marks on both of their bodies. One of his eyes twitched as confusion and anger mixed inside.



"What the fuck happened? What did you do to Ren!"



"Calm down, I'll explain." Hao raised two hands in defense, though he looked as relaxed as Yoh could. He got out of bed, revealing the rest of his bare body and got into his clothes. The Asakura sat on the floor and kept his laid back exprеssion.



"Hmmmm... there's not much to explain since it's exactly how it seems. We had sex." Horohoro's eyes grew wide and he took Hao by the collar of his shirt. The Asakura made a smirk and snorted.



"What in the name of bloody hell did you do to Ren?"



"I didn't rape him, if that's what you're asking. He's the one who suggested it after inviting me in."



"Give me the fuckin truth!"



"I am. He came out of Club Panick last night and went to ally to go home. He was too drunk so I helped him, and he invited me in saying he needed company. And well, he said he was lonely and we had sex."



"You bastard!"



"Actually, I suggested not to but he just insisted. He must have been really lonely." Hao's eyes moved to the back of Horohoro. The Ainu turned around and saw the faced down picture frame. He threw Hao down and came up to Ren. The Chinese didn't move, but rather seemed frozen by the situation.



"Is what he said true!" By now, Ren's memories returned and all he could do was drop his head.



"Horohoro, I..."



"You what! Betrayed me? Damn straight you did! I don't get it, Ren! Why! And of all people, why him! Why Hao!" Ren couldn't answer. He was still silent. Horohoro spoke more calmly but was still enraged.



"Did you really get so drunk that you fucked with that bastard? You don't even drink, Ren. So what the hell were you doing at a place like Panick? You never liked it, or at least that's what you told me. Or what? You like it all of a sudden and look for someone like Hao to sleep with just because we had an arguement? Did you want to get back at me? Make me feel bad?"



"No, baka! Don't put all the blame on me, you're the one who made it seem like we broke up!" "Oh so if we break up you're ready to find just about anyone and have sex with them? And we didn't even break up. I said I needed to think about it!"



"Well you sounded doubtful enough!"



"You would too if I kissed someone! Wouldn't you get scared if it was Hao or something!" Ren's mouth opened for a reply but quickly shut it. Horohoro's near-tears eyes stopped him. The ainu desperately held them back as his head hung low, clentched fists shaking. Ren reached out, even though he didn't know what to say or do. But before he reached him, Horohoro spoke again in a low and quivered voice.



"I got scared, Ren. I'm sorry for leaving like that but I got scared. I'm sorry it took me so long, but I came to apologize. I don't want what we have to end." Horohoro raised his face again, tears still held back. But the redness in his eyes looked like blood of all his hurt inside. Ren couldn't stand it, couldn't bear it, that he's causing all that pain. That Horohoro is getting hurt by something that shouldn't be happening, shouldn't have happened, something that shouldn't be real. For something that shouldn't, couldn't, and won't end.



"So what exactly is gonna happen, Ren?" Ren blinked out of his phased out state and looked at Hao. He forgot that the bruenette was even there. And looking at him reminded him of their earlier conversation. His choices. How could things get any worse? If he chose Horohoro now, he'd put him in danger. His life in danger. If he went to Hao, he'd be safe. But the Chinese wants Horohoro, no one else. He didn't want to be with someone he doesn't love, let alone be with Hao who he despised. It's bad enough that he made such a mistake last night. But getting Horohoro hurt was the last thing he wanted. But leaving him now like this...wouldn't that hurt him too? He said he doesn't want to end their relationship, so that could mean forgiveness. Even if he's already hurt him so much, they could go back together. But that would mean... No, I can't let that happen. Ren sighed and first changed into his clothes.



"Horohoro, it's over." A sharp gasp left Horohoro and his eyes grew wide. His whole body felt numb as Ren just began to pack his things as if all has been said. As if it's one of the things to do for the day. As he moved around to gather his things, Horohoro came next to him.



"What'd you mean it's over!"



"Between us. It's ended. I'm with Hao now." Ren said his words short and fast. He couldn't even look at Horohoro's face as he got everything and closed his bag. Hao watched as he wore a wide smile, enjoying every bit of the moment. Once Ren was done, he went to Hao, doing his best to ignore the smile without hitting him in the jaw. The two opened the door and Hao went out first. When Ren was out half way, Horohoro grabbed his arm.



"Just like that? How? Why?...I don't get it!" The only answer he got was Ren snatching his arm away and closing the door in his face. The Chinese slipped his copy of the key through the mail slot and Horohoro heard them go down the stairs. He fell to his knees and a trembling hand picked up the key. He stared at it as if it were all he had left. It kinda was. And he couldn't hold back his tears anymore. They fell out of his eyes and ran down his pale cheeks freely. He threw the key to a random wall and slammed his fists on the floor. He clentched his teeth, trying to hold back tears as he felt his heart shatter into countless peices.



BACK TO HAO AND REN----------------



Hao opened the door to his room and let Ren in first. Ren dropped his bag on the floor and looked around. It was a little more spacious than the room he used to live in with Horohoro and a rather decent place. Still, he shuddered at the fact that it was Hao's home and he was going to live in it too. Hao plopped down on the couch and smiled.



"Make yourself comfortable."



"With you it's impossible."



"Come on, Ren. We're together now. Why do you have to be so mean?" Hao whined and put a hand on Ren's cheek. But Ren made a low growl and slapped it away. His gold eyes blazed with malice and Hao looked at him skeptically.



"I'm only here so you'll stay away from Horohoro. So you better keep your promise. And don't get yourself too comfortable by letting this situation get to your sick head. Just keep in mind that he has something you'll never have." Ren gave Hao a hard look. But the next thing he knew, he was pushed facing against the wall, his arms pinned to his back. Hao brought his face near his ear, his voice giving a tone of warning.



"You better keep in mind that the two of you are over. So forget you ex, because you need to go by my rules. You don't want him to be a threat, Ren." Ren knew what he meant and kept his mouth tightly shut. Hao let go of him and wore his grin again. Though Ren was disgusted, he just walked passed him to the showers.



"I'm going to shower." He muttered and Hao nodded.



Ren stood in the shower, the water hitting his body full blast. Streams ran from his hair to his face, washing down his body with his camouflaged tears. But it didn't wash away anything. It didn't wash away the corrupted feeling. He felt it all over his body like it was stuck to his skin. The memory. The fact. The mistake. Nothing washed away from this body that Hao tainted. He fell to his hands and knees, the shower now hitting his back.



"Damnit, damnit, damnit,damnit, DAMNIT!" He screamed through his tears and let out a yell. Hao heard the faint voice from behind the door in the other room. He tilted his head, a bit worried.



"You ok in there?"



"Shut up!" Hao returned to the tv he was watching and shrugged.



"Don't worry, you'll love me soon enough."

---

Обо всём и о яойных фиках

Всё, я домучила сайт "broken ice", пойду додзинси качать))))

Эх, ну делать мне больше нечего. И ещё шамана надо успеть досмотреть.



Я прочитала фанфик "Only you" и чуть не растаяла перед монитором. Это должна видеть и читать Саби - если она ещё помнит английский)))) Там же кроме Хоро и Рена есть Хао и Рен)



Прочитала "The Last Breathe", тоже максимально кавайно, грустно правда очень. По прочтении этих двух фанфиков(в "Only you" было много грустных моментов, очень, вообще всё кроме хеппи-энда грустно довольно) я даже плакала, такие фики...



А "My Icy Heart" тоже очень мило, 3 главы, коротенько так, мне дико нравицца.

***

А теперь надо перекусить)))) целый бутерброд, да ещё не просто бутерброд, а булка с шоколадной пастой)))) приелся мне этот целый бутерброд, бу, Каями бака)

---

Я нашла. Три штуки. ДАААААААААААААААААААААААА!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Да, да, да, да, да! Сайт по Хоро и Рену, ещё один!!!!!



Warning:There may be spoilers here for some of you.



Author's Note: This songfic is set during the time Ren 'dies' during the anime/manga. Yeah yeah, I know he comes back to life and all, but let's say for a moment that he didn't. This is my rewritten version of events. Oh, and for those of you who may think that Ren is a little OOC at times, try being on the verge of death sometime and tell me how it feels ^_~ Enjoy, and please drop me an email at [email protected] with any feedback. I'd really appreciate it!



Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King, or any related characters. I don't own the song 'My Last Breath' either, which is a song by Evanescence. If you haven't heard it already, I suggest you do!



Dedication: I want to dedicate this one to my best buddies Ad and Steph. I love you, guys!







My Last Breath





The air must have stagnated as he fell – thrown thirty feet into the air, only to be brought down, with a terrified cry, to the ground, as if everything was in slow motion. His cry lasted until his body collided with the ground – then it ceased, abruptly.



Horo had been unable to do a thing as Ren took the attack and was tossed aside like a rag doll. All Horo could do was watch him with widened and panicked eyes.



That should have been him, not Ren…



Bason’s almighty roar of agony ripped through the air as he laid eyes on his master – lying on the ground as though asleep, limbs twisted at odd angles… Horo felt his mind reel as he realised that Ren didn’t seem to be breathing.



Within a second, Horo was at his side, stumbling over himself in his haste to get there. He fell to his knees beside Ren, sending up a cloud of sand as his knees hit the dusty floor. His fingers grasped Ren’s shoulders desperately, calling out, “Ren… Ren!”



Surely… surely Ren hadn’t gone down that easily? He was a fighter to the end – Horo knew that much. But these guys, the guys they were fighting; they had Hao’s Oversoul. By some strange twist of events, Hao had somehow shared his Oversoul with his followers, giving them more power than they could handle. They had already seen one follower of Hao’s destroyed by the sheer amount of Oversoul that ran through him. But one of these lackeys had aimed an attack right at Horo – one that caught him off-guard and could have finished him… until Ren jumped in the way, blocking the blow with his kwan dao. It was then that the huge skeletal spirit took a swing at Ren out of nowhere with its enormous sword, cutting him down effortlessly…



Horo closed his eyes tightly, desperate not to imagine seeing the blow happen all over again in his mind. His hands gripped tighter still on Ren’s shoulders. “Ren… you can’t be…”



There was so much Horo had yet to tell him… Ren, his love… He couldn’t die yet, at least, not without knowing. Horo cursed himself silently. He should have told him sooner… why was he so stubborn like this? Within his heart, he held confessions so deep, dark and true. He had longed to tell Ren of these convictions for what seemed like an eternity. Now was he cursed never to tell Ren of the way he felt?



He held him still, frozen there is his thoughts, not wanting to believe that it was true, that Ren really was… gone…



The sound of a sharp intake of breath made him open his eyes. He looked down upon Ren’s still face to see his eyes slowly opening too.





Hold on to me, love,

You know I can’t stay long





“Ren…?” he breathed once more.



Ren’s face was tormented by pain and what seemed like sorrow. Despite it all, he gave Horo a weak, brief smile. “Horo…” he murmured.



“You’re still alive!” Horo exclaimed, heart pounding. “You’re really okay! Don’t worry about it, I’ll –“



He was cut short by Ren shaking his head slowly, solemnly. “I won’t be here much longer...”



“What are you saying? Of course you will! You’re alive, and that’s all that’s important now. Don’t worry about a thing, I’m sure we can help you,” Horo said, trying to reassure him. His mind wasn’t registering what Ren was saying – didn’t want to, in fact.



Ren didn’t answer, his face just torn with agony.



Horo watched him, unable to take it. He put an arm around Ren’s shoulder, another around his freezing body, holding him close. “Just hang in there…”





All I wanted to say was I love you,

And I’m not afraid





“It’s alright. I was ready for this day,” Ren said, forcing another smile on to his face to comfort Horo. “Death is inevitable to us all, eventually.”



“Don’t say that!” Horo said, anger boiling up inside of him. He didn’t know who to blame for this situation – himself for being so weak that he couldn’t defend himself; Ren for taking the attack instead of him; Hao for this whole crazy mess beginning anyway…?



“You’re not going to die!”



“Horo, I’m almost there already. It won’t be long now. Don’t worry; I’m not afraid of death at all. Maybe… it is a relief for me.” Ren said, weakly.



“Why…?”



“Having to live with this is a lot harder than facing death.”



“What are you talking about?!” Horo said, almost angry with Ren for even saying such a thing. How could Ren dream of leaving him here alone?



“These thoughts… these feelings inside my head…” Ren said, more signs of sorrow shooting through his eyes once more. “Maybe death is the only way to escape them. I’m ready for anything.”



“I still… don’t understand…” Horo half-sobbed as his anger resided to be replaced with an utter empty sorrow, and nothing more.





Can you hear me?

Can you feel me in your arms?





“You can… hear me, can’t you? I am here telling you this? I’m not just dreaming?” Ren asked, his skin reaching new levels of cold against Horo’s touch.



Horo shook his head, staring with disbelief into Ren’s empty eyes. “Yes, I can hear you. You’re here. It’s all… going to be okay.”



“Yes, it will be,” Ren’s eyes opened and closed slowly – even that looked like it took a lot of effort.





Holding my last breath,

Safe inside myself,

Are all my thoughts of you,

Sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight





The moment had stolen from Horo one thing – so anguished by the whole situation, he hadn’t realised that he had never before been this close to Ren. He held him so close that Ren’s face was barely an inch from his own. His arms were wrapped around him tightly, as though he never intended to let go. Horo hadn’t even realised that having Ren’s face so close to his own, he should have been able to feel Ren’s breath against his cheek – a feeling which never came.



Horo wanted to say these things that were racing circles around his mind, but they wouldn’t slow down long enough for him to catch them and form them into words. He wondered if he should give up on telling Ren altogether, as he gazed down tearfully on to Ren’s still face.





I know you hear me,

I can taste it in your tears





Horo’s silent tears began to slide hopelessly down his face. He couldn’t fight them off anymore – it was impossible. His sorrowful heart had to let out its cry somehow; tears were its only outlet.



A single tear dripped from Horo’s face and landed, elegantly, on to Ren’s lips. At the touch, another small smile crossed his face. “You really can hear me…”



“Of course I can,” Horo wept, his voice wavering with tears.





Holding my last breath,

Safe inside myself,

Are all my thoughts of you,

Sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight





Ren didn’t dare draw another breath, just in case it was his last. There were some things he would not leave unfinished. He looked at Horo, blurry through his weakened vision. He saw the tears forming in Horo’s eyes, felt his pain, so much more than the physical blow Ren himself had taken earlier.



Ren knew he could not drag this out much longer. What had to be done, must be done, he thought to himself, edges of his mind blurring into nothingness. He cared about nothing anymore – only Horo concerned him now.





Closing your eyes to disappear,

You pray your dreams will leave you here





An injured smile still betraying his face, Ren closed his eyes one final time, ready for whatever should take him now.,br>

Horo saw the deliberation of Ren’s eyes ringing true to him. His mind erupted in a frenzy. “No! You can’t be-! You can’t just – please, Ren…” he begged, one last plead.





But still you wake and know the truth,

No one’s there





When no reply came, Horo’s eyes also snapped shut as tears began to stream – unstoppable now – from beneath his eyelids. This wasn’t happening… no matter what he thought, this didn’t seem real. He should have told Ren… and still, he found no strength to do so, all energy and emotion sapped away. It should have been him… that blow was meant for him. Ren had ended up this way… protecting him.



A comforting touch brushed Horo’s cheek – someone’s hand. He had given up now – he didn’t even open his eyes to see whose touch it was.



He felt the person’s hand gently push his head towards Ren’s face. He could feel Ren’s lips beside his ear.





Say goodnight,

Don’t be afraid





“I love you…”



Horo opened his eyes sharply as he heard that whisper, in time to see Ren’s hand falling from the side of Horo’s face until his arm fell, limp, to his side, brushing the desert ground.



Horo stared at Ren’s frozen face – eyes closed, features blank and smile stolen. Horo’s hand pressed tighter against his skin, his heartbeat no more.





Calling me, calling me as you fade to black





Horo choked, a fresh wave of tears now over-coming him. He had heard Ren’s words perfectly – but now he was gone, those three words there to torment him for as long as he lived:



I love you.



“Ren…”





Emily Nash-Medlyn (Selph)



Friday 23rd September 2005

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Яойные додзи: http://snow-angels.net/sk-media/doujinshi.html

У меня совершенно испортилось настроение....................................................................

Даже писать не могу тяжело очень, это когда у меня настроение отвратное, я знаю.

И я совсем скоро уеду. Я буду очень по вам скучать, правда-правда))) я уже скучаю, когда выхожу из интернета)))

Перечитала главы про ХороХоро, решила, что в манге он просто лапочка(с моей точки зрения).

А Рю хочет жену, которая готовит, как Тамао. Жену как Тамао. Всем фанаткам Рю строицца под Тамао!!!!

Посмотрела серию про Алана(ничего не вырезано) и ту, где про необычный лес, тех бабульку и дедульку, золото и снежных огров(тоже ничего не вырезано).

Но заставка "Northen Lights" великолепна! А название))))

Погуляли с Сояной, смотались от белого кошака и маленькой собачки. Война кошек и собак... банализм, мдя. А насчёт собачки мы домой уже шли. И есть Сояне пора, мамы нету, папа в Москве, чем кормить не знаю, убьют нафиг. Но травы я Куне много нарвала, наестся на всю оставшуюся... не, ОН съест это за пару дней)))

Нечего писать, нечего, нечего!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Вообщем трагедия. Трагедия - это страшно.



Воть у меня ПЧ новый. Привет, Скитти)))))))))))) Добро пожаловать))))))))



Меня можно называть Анькой, Анной, Анкой, а насчёт Ани подумаю. Канити и Каничи можно называть. Воть так.

Хотя ладно, называйте как хотите.



У мну настроение поднимаецца! О, я поняло! Когда мну думала уже рен не знает про что, точнее о жизни, настроение провалилось к Люциферу в гости, а теперь когда я отбросила енти несчастные мысли и думаю о другом, настроение вернулось ко мне! Интересно, оно успело попить у Люца чаю с пирожными? И чего мне не захватило... Так, кто сказал, что я худею? Ничего не знаю, мой вес на 6 кг меньше нормы! Буду только физкульторой занимацца и плавать.

Буду на шестнадцать кг меньше нормы.



Хорокеу Юсуи

вес: 64кг

рост: 180см

@музыка: Секрет: Домой(снова, да, снова!!!)

@настроение: уже вернулось, без пирожных и даже печенья не принесло!

---

Сояна, великий вождь, злобный и опасный волк, кусающий всех и вся... роецца в песке.

Мдя, сразу два нашла про вопросы и ответы. Поздравьте день вопросов и ответов, няф))) У Пирики и у ХороХоро)))

Ну воть, вообщем, погуляла я с этой крысой ушастой волкообразной, она покопалась в песочнице, мы (босиком) обошли вокруг детского сада, нашли надпись "HIM" на стене и "Рок-вот это настоящая музыка! Всё остальное - дерьмо!!!" и прочее. Потом вернулись, напились айвового компота и стали орать в окно молодым парням и девушкам(только им!) "Рок - форева!" и драгоценное "Рок-вот это настоящая музыка! Всё остальное - дерьмо!!!". Слабо так реагировали, смотрели на нас и дальше шли, какой-то парень фак показал. Я на него разозлилась и наорала, хорошо не слышал)))) потом Лана пошла домой, она на дачу ужё едет, одна я опять остаюсь, воть))) ну, ещё Куня с Сояной!

Итак, сказать вам нечего более, пойду Куне травы нарву, что ли?

@музыка: А ничего)))

@настроение: просто отлично!!!!

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Итак, я была на даче. Не хочу на дачу больше, там комары, мошки, слепни, и они все кусаюцца!!!! Ещё змеи по участку ползают!!! Они лапочки, но я их боюсь.

... мне стыдно - я боюсь змей... *покраснела от стыда*

На дачу к Лане приглашают. Но Сояна встала боком, папа уехал в Москву небось с японцами без мну встречацца!!! И мама сразу насупилась так, сказала : "я без Лёши никуда, а Сояну куда деть не знаю." Она без Лёши никуда! Я вот живу, без ХороХоро, между прочим, и пока что ещё куда! А она никуда. А собака пусть в книжном магазине с Саби работает...

"вам что? книжку про собак? щас налаю, неть книжек про собак! Токо про Соян есть!!! А ну вон пошли!!!",

"вам что? Таню Гроттер? Ах вы, графоманов читаете!!! А ну быстро за Толкиена, кому сказала! Неть его? Ну так руки в ноги и Рея Бредбери читать!!!!" - типа того будут работать, няф))) Ну или бабушке сплавить. Бабушка её быстро приучит в комнате за собой убирать, кашу и холодец тоннами есть, в магазин за хлебом ходить!!!! Вот и погуляет собачка по пути к магазину на шубку богатой леди, вот весело-то будет, жаль такое веселье без меня да и без её нового кастрированного друга Тоника!!!

Ах, бедный Тоник((( Теперь небось режущих предметов боицца))))))))))

Ну воть, а я и сама от Ланы приеду, ну шо мне стоит? Пешочком 54 километра, вперёд и спесне

й, до Вавиловых, тьфу ты, я уже час в сети, а... так, про дачу... ну зайду там к Севке, с Алёнке, погощу, сожру всё что в холодильнике, не зря по тесту ХороХоро получалась))) Итак, приду домой, а там у двери Сояна с Тоником, мяса просят - у бабушки кончилось, а они вместо магазина ко мне припёрлися!!!! И с работы Сояночку выгнали... слишком лаяла много. Вот она и пошла с Тоником в загул, в запой... Воть))) ну, молоко теперь дует со страшной силой, Рен-наркоман типа...

Вот такое страшное будущее,няф) В шаманах что-то по углам, мегаццкого пока ничего, будет -ска

жу обязательно!

Ну что ж, у меня перерыв на безделье!!! Поели вот с Ланой хлеба с Виолой, яблочный Марочный допили, Каями-Алёна бы сказала: "Ах, ты съела целый бутерброд! Ну как тебе не стыдно! Целый бутерброд!"

Она теперь меня подкалывает из-за того, что я однажды на ужин только один бутерброд съела, на обед два бутерброда, на завтрак чай). Ну и что, я ведь не голодная совсем была! Вот мама жалуецца, что я за весь день съела две зефирины - и ВСЁ!!! Хорошо, что Алёна не знает, а то бы меня и за зефирругали) ""

целые две зефирины! Анька, ну как ты могла! ЦЕЛЫХ две зефирины! Да тебе должно быть стыдно, как столько есть можно, ты же ЛОПНЕШЬ!!!

Фу, бяки, ну бывает, забуду поесть, мама с папой дня через два приезжают:

"почему ничего не съела???"

"ууупс... я и забыла как-то..."

"Забыла?!!! Как можно забыть поесть?"

А вот можно! Ещё как! Правда, бывает, такой голод нападает...

Целая тарелка супа и хлеб с рыбой! Как можно столько есть? И как я не лопнула? А как мне не стыдно-то было, а? Ну, на даче здоровый аппетит типа просыпается, за три дня я во сколько всего съела: "тарелку супа, хлеб с рыбой, чашка чая и две зефирины"! Целый банкет!

Ну усё, у меня ж вроде перерыв был, потом попишу)))

@музыка: Utena: Ouji-sama

@настроение: нормально так

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Подумала.

Да, нет у ХороХоро длинных красивых тёмных волос, высокого роста, больших красивых чёрных глаз, больших гадов, кожаной куртки, футболки "Агата Кристи", широких брюк, стройности и пофигизма, есть только чёрные глаза, просто чёрные. *думает* Так что же, чёрт возьми, у него есть-то, а?!!!!!!! Мьяф...

А рен знает что у него есть такого)))

Ой, надо же Рен знает, надо у него спросить...)

А овощи молчат)))

***

Мяф!!! Знаю - он раздолбай, да! Мне по жизни нравяцца такие оптимистичные раздолбаи))))

А Хао и Рен красивые, конечно(не зря рядом с Хоро в папке "фавориты"), но енто такая хитрая наглость - вот пусть совсем противоположное что-то нравицца... да и почему только нравицца? влюбить, что ли? Воть гады)))

***

Ну я, канешшна, ничего против не имею, нет, вовсе нет))))

***

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Итак, от нечего делать выкладываю папку "рен". Именно "рен" в яое, в Фаворитах "Tao Ren" пока не выкладывается. пока... Некоторые пикчи фанатам Рена луцце не смотреть... в конце концов, папка-то "яой"....

Итак:





























































































































































































































































Команда Рена, моя любимая и обожаемая команда, я болею только за неё:

И много Хоро и Рена. Просто.



















































































































Мне нравицца эта пикча:

@музыка: Секрет: Ветер новых дней

@настроение: супер))))

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Хехе))))

Можете меня поздравить. Я ставлю себе яойные аватарки, да) Теперь из трёх две будут яойными)

@музыка: Кукрыниксы - Да здравствует сюрприз!, потом - Солдатская печаль, Скоро кончится лето, потом - по раскрашенной душе... слушаю для поднятия настроения.

@настроение: Оптимизм! Да, послушайте вышеуказанные песни - поймёте!!!

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Всего понемножку)))

Мьяф))) мне оставили две бутылки лимонада и сок, а Лана забрала себе остальное) Вот мы разошлись по соседним квартирам(целых четыре шага! убицца! и как у Ланы ноги не отвалились?)и отправились спать. Воть я проснулась, выпиннула родителей на работу, поела печенья с мультифруктовым соком(вот это мама купила, 2 литра, и уже почти не осталось), и села за компьютер. Теперь на моём любимом SKyaoi выкладываю им сёнен-ай-ное додзинси по Хоро и Лайсергу. Хоро без повязки тааааааааааааааааааааааааааааакооооооооооооооооооооооооой лапочка!!! Я его обожаю, почаще бы он повязку снимал!!! И Лайсерг тоже милый очень))) Воть)))

***

Лайсерг/ХороХоро, Сёнен-ай, на японском, вначале Хоро без повязки просто чудо, а Лайс вообще лапочка) любуйтесь))

27 страничек.





























































*фигеет от ХороХоро без повязки* ааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааа, какой кавай!!!!! ня))))

***

Нашла у Таурэлэн Хэлэквэн, ну раз кто хочет, пусть берёт)))



1. 8 самых используемых мною слов, фраз.

- сугоой!!!

- бастард

- ня

- нё

- охайо

- ню

- каваи)(какой кавай)

- бака



2. 8 самых посещаемых сайтов.

- дайрики

- ли.ру

- яойный сайт по Хоро и Рену "so and so"

- Эх, раньше шаман-кингдом...

- Яндекс

- Форум СТС

- Официальный сайт группы "Lumen"

- Официальный сайт группы "Кукрыниксы"



3. 8 самых любимых ПЧ.

Нет восьми ПЧ. Можно избранные?

8 самых любимых избранных, это пожалуйста:

1. Horo-Horo

3. -Ren-

4. Ami-chan

5. Искатель

6. Freya

7. Faust IV

8. <Кира>



4. 8 фильмов, изменивших жизнь.

Ничто мою жизнь, кроме Шаманов, не изменяло, но это аниме...

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-



5. 8 самых ярких событий в моей жизни

- Восстановление моего днева, 2005 год

- Да, первый наш компьютер-ноутбук, теперь он седой дедушка))) и не работает))) и когда это было?

- Сейчас Сабико будет смеяться долго и... долго: как первый раз ела на даче на веранде крапивный суп, помнишь, да?

- Недавно совсем: гуляла с Сояной, заблудилась и нашла дорогу, по которой мы с Саби когда-то в детстве старом шли и почему-то она мне тогда запомнилась, что-то там такое было необычное, и вот я её нашла, да и вообще ходить там, вспоминать, да, это из всего самое яркое событие...

- что я нашла ХороХоро на дайри)))) наконец)))

- Японский шаман, да, японский шаман)))

- очень хорошо помню КиШа на всю квартиру, мою злость на Саби, но теперь у меня самой гремит))



6. 8 самых любимых вещей.

- мой магнитофон

- моя кровать и особенно подушка, да, подушка

- тетрадка с приклееным напечатанным с компа Хоро на обложке

- компьютер

- собачка-свечка за 5 рублей

- большой японский нож

- длинный сарафан(да, да, это не опечатка - сарафан) чёрный в белый горошек в стиле 60-х))))

- напульсник из Италии... или повязка из Италии любимее?



7. 8 самых любимых человеческих черт

- пофигизм

- правдивость

- решительность

- дружелюбность

- самостоятельность

- мечтательность

- открытость

- оптимизм



8. 8 людей, которые должны ответить на те же вопросы у себя на дневнике.

Да пусть отвечают все, кому не лень)

@музыка: Короь и Шут: Гимн Шута

@настроение: уравновешенное

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Мы выпили уже половину коробки сока и пьём марочные)))

***

Хао поджёг Жанну, Икс-судьи собираются найти ей доктора, Марко орёт: нам надо найти доктора!!!

Тут выскакивает совершенно офигевший Фауст, бежит к Жанне, подбегает с криком: "I got it!!!!", у Марко выражение лица: смотри приложенную картинку)))) Хе-хе))))

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Погуляли, будем пить!!!!! (лимонад, не подумайте, мы не пьём)

Вот, вернулись... оооо... боже... мне плохо... у млин... жарко... набегались... устали.. и...

купили лимонаду и соку... хе-хе-хе... :

1. Фиеста 2 литра, Крем-сода

2. Марочный 1,5 литра, вишнёвый

3. Марочный 1,5 литра, яблочный

4. Сок "BB" 1 литр, апельсиновый

5. 7up, 2 литра

Одна коробка сока и 4 бутылки лимонада))) приходите к нам пить)))

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Всё. Я пошла))) Через 5 минут)))

***

Когда Лайсерг хотел убить Хоро(и почти убил) в серии про вампиров, Йо тогда так на него разозлился, няф)))

Сказал, что жизнь Хоро важнее победы над Хао)

***